IMAGE  EVALUATION 
TEST  TARGET  (MT-3) 


■ 


I:-     :. 


1.0 


1.1 


m  m 

^  as.  12.0 


I 


|||L25|U      ,.6 

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6"     

► 

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HiotografJiic 

Sdences 

Corporalion 


23  WIST  MAIN  STRliT 

WnSTIR.N.Y.  14SI0 

(716)172-4903 


i  '■. 


\ 


CIHM/ICMH 

Microfiche 

Series. 


CIHIVI/ICMH 
Collection  de 
microfiches. 


Canadian  Institute  for  Historical  Microreproductions  /  Institut  Canadian  de  microreproductions  historiques 


■#H,^ 


Tschnical  and  Bibliographic  Notas/Notas  tacliniquas  at  bibliographiquas 


Tlia  instituta  haa  attamptad  to  obtain  tha  bast 
original  copy  availabia  for  filming.  Faaturaa  of  thia 
copy  which  may  ba  bibliographically  uniqua, 
which  may  altar  any  of  tha  imagaa  in  tha 
raproduction,  or  which  may  aignificantly  changa 
tha  usual  mathod  of  filming,  ara  chackad  balow. 


I    ..    Colourad  covars/ 
lvl    Couvartura  da  coulaur 


rri    Covers  damagad/ 


D 


n 


n 


n 


Couvartura  andommagte 


Covars  restored  and/or  laminated/ 
Couverture  restaurta  et/ou  pelliculie 


I      I   Cover  title  missing/ 


Le  titre  de  couverture  manque 


I      I   Coloured  maps/ 


Cartes  g6ographiques  en  couleur 


□   Coloured  ink  (i.e.  other  than  blue  or  black)/ 
Encre  de  couleur  (i.e.  autre  que  bleue  ou  noira) 

I      I   Coloured  plates  and/or  illustrations/ 


Planches  et/ou  illustrations  an  coulaur 

Bound  with  other  material/ 
Ralii  avec  d'autres  documents 


r~71    Tight  bmding  may  causa  shadows  or  distortion 


along  interior  margin/ 

La  re  liure  serrie  peut  causer  de  I'ombre  ou  de  la 

distortion  la  long  de  la  marge  intiriaura 

Blank  leaves  added  during  restoration  may 
appear  within  tha  text.  Whenever  poaaible.  theae 
have  been  omitted  from  filming/ 
11  se  peut  que  certainas  pages  blanches  ajoutAas 
lors  d'une  restauration  apparaissant  dans  la  taxta, 
mais,  iorsque  cela  Atait  possible,  ces  pages  n'ont 
pas  iti  filmAas. 

Additional  comments:/  '       * 

Commentairas  suppi^mentairas;  %    . 


L'Institut  a  microfilm*  la  meilleur  exemplaira 
qu'ii  lui  a  6t4  possible  de  se  procurer.  Les  details 
da  eat  exemplaira  qui  sont  paut-Atre  uniques  du 
point  de  vue  bibliographiqua,  qui  peuvent  modifier 
une  image  reproduite,  ou  qui  peuvent  exiger  une 
modification  dana  la  mAthoda  normala  de  filmage 
sont  indiquas  ci-dassous. 


D 


y 


^ 


D 


Colourad  pages/ 
Pages  de  couleur 


□    Pages  damaged/ 
Pages  endommagAes 

□   Pages  restored  and/or  laminated/ 
Pages  restaurtas  et/ou  pelliculAes 

Pages  discoloured,  stainad  or  foxed/ 


Tha  c< 
to  tha 

I 

< 

Their 
possit 
of  tha 
filmin 


Origin 
begini 
the  lai 
sion,  ( 
other 
first  p 
sion,  i 
or  illu 


Pages  d6color6es.  tacheties  ou  piquies 

Pages  detached/  -  > 

Pages  ditachAes 


Showthrough/ 
Transparence 


I      I   Quality  of  print  varies/ 


Quality  in^gala  de  I'impression 

Includes  supplementary  material/ 
Comprand  du  material  suppKmentaire 

Only  edition  available/ 
Seule  Edition  disponible 


'W 


The  la 
shall  ( 
TINUI 
which 

Maps, 

diffan 

entire 

begin 

right 

requir 

metht 


Pages  wholly  or  partially  obscured  by  errata 
slips,  tissues,  etc.,  have  been  ref limed  to 
ensure  the  best  possible  image/ 
Les  pages  totalement  ou  partiallement 
obscurcies  par  un  fauillet  d'erreta.  une  pelure, 
etc.,  ont  4t6  film6es  A  nouveau  de  fapon  A 
obtenir  la  maiileure  image  possible. 


This  item  is  filmed  at  the  reduction  ratio  chackad  balow/ 


Ce  document  est  film*  au  taux  da  reduction  indiqui  ci-daasoua 
10X                           14X                           18X                           22X 

26X 

30X 

v/ 

12X 

16X 

20X 

a4x 

28X 

32X 

lira 

details 
UM  du 
t  modifiar 
gar  una 

filmaga 


Tha  copy  filmad  hara  haa  baan  raproducad  thanka 
to  tha  ganaroaity  of: 

MacOdnim  Library 
Carlaton  Univtnity 

Tha  imagaa  appaaring  hara  ara  tha  baat  quality 
poaaibia  conaidaring  tha  condition  and  iagibiiity 
of  tha  original  copy  and  in  Icaaping  with  tha 
filming  contract  apacificationa. 


Original  coplaa  In  printad  papar  covara  ara  filmad 
baginning  with  tha  front  covar  and  anding  on 
tha  laat  paga  with  a  printad  or  illuatratad  Impraa- 
sion,  or  tha  back  covar  whan  appropriata.  All 
othar  original  copiaa  ara  filmad  baginning  on  tha 
f  irat  paga  with  a  printad  or  illuatratad  impraa- 
aion,  and  anding  on  tha  laat  paga  with  a  printad 
or  illuatratad  impraaaion. 


/ 
j^as 


L'axamplaira  f  ilmA  f  ut  raproduit  grica  ii  ia 
ginAroaitA  da: 

IMaoOdrum  Library 
Carlaton  Univcrtity 

Laa  imagaa  aulvantaa  ont  M4  raproduitaa  avac  la 
plua  grand  aoln,  compta  tanu  da  ia  condition  at 
da  la  nattatA  da  l'axamplaira  film*,  at  an 
conformity  avac  iaa  conditiona  du  contrat  da 
filmaga. 

Laa  axamplairaa  orlglnaux  dont  ia  couvartura  an 
papiar  aat  imprlmte  aont  f  iimia  an  commandant 
par  la  pramiar  plat  at  an  tarminant  aoit  par  ia 
darnidra  paga  qui  comporta  una  amprainta 
d'impraaalon  ou  d'illustration,  aoit  par  la  sacond 
plat,  aalon  la  caa.  Toua  laa  autras  axamplairaa 
orlglnaux  aont  fllmte  an  commandant  par  ia 
pramlira  paga  qui  comporta  una  amprainta 
d'impraaalon  ou  d'illuatration  at  an  tarminant  par 
ia  darnlAra  paga  qui  comporta  una  talla 
amprainta. 


Tha  laat  racordad  frama  on  aach  microficha 
ahall  contain  tha  aymbol  -^(moaning  "CON- 
TINUED"), or  tha  aymbol  V  (moaning  "END"), 
whichavar  appliaa. 


Un  das  symboias  suivants  apparattra  sur  la 
darnldra  imaga  da  chaqua  microficha,  salon  la 
caa:  la  aymbola  — »*  aignifia  "A  SUIVRE",  ia 
aymboia  ▼  aignifia  "FIN". 


lira 


ui 


I\/Iap8,  platas,  charta,  ate,  may  ba  filmad  at 
diffarant  raduction  ratioa.  Thoaa  too  larga  to  ba 
antiraly  inciudad  in  ona  axpoaura  ara  filmad 
baginning  in  tha  uppar  laft  hand  cornar,  laft  to 
right  and  top  to  bottom,  aa  many  framaa  aa 
raqulrad.  Tha  following  diagrama  illuatrata  tha 
mathod: 


Laa  cartaa,  pianchas,  tabiaaux,  etc.,  pauvent  6tre 
fllmte  A  daa  taux  da  reduction  diffArants. 
Loraque  la  document  aat  trop  grand  pour  Atre 
raproduit  an  un  saul  clich6. 11  ast  filmi  A  partir 
da  I'angla  auptriaur  gaucha,  da  gaucha  d  drolte, 
at  da  haut  an  has,  an  pranant  ia  nombre 
d'Imagaa  nAcaaaaira.  Las  diagrammaa  auivants 
iliustrant  ia  m6thoda. 


Iiy  errata 
lad  to 

Bnt 

ine  pelure, 

apon  A 


1 

2 

3 

«:  ,^., 


32X 


1 

2 

3 

4 

5 

6 

"■.v 


.■sV 


) 


Cx) 


'f^ 


>  -Ci 


T  H  E . 


EXPERIENCES 


09 


FIVE  CHRISTIAN  INDIANS: 


OR  THE 


I  ' 


I]VDIA]¥'S  Ii00t£I]¥O-«IiASl» 


FOa  THE 


WHITE    lUAlV. 


BOSTOXr,  1833. 


■^Mitfi''   -'N* 


.■imm' 


^t^^iA'- 


'  -'■?)l/i 


,?'i  I  .  ' '  ■ 


'#' 


i  »       <    '•■ 


'>. 


*#". 


,<-4«^ 


I 


'^Is..' 


.*  '„  ^r  * 


,J 


.Afi. 


/^ . 


'•#' 


THE 


EXPERIENCES 


'*■ 


or 


n^ 


FIVE  CHRISTIAN  INDIANS 


M,.M 


i<ja    s  »  ', 

"if  /-J 


OP     THE 


PE^IJOD  TRIBi:. 


PUBLISHED     BT 


WILLIAM    APES, 

Subsequently  a  Missionary  of  that  Tribe,  and  author  of 
"  The  Son  of  the  Forest." 


"  Oo  ye  thtrefore  and  teach  all  nations,  baptizing  them  in  the  name  of  the  Father, 
and  of  the  Son,  and  of  the  Ho)y  Ghost ;  teaching  them  to  observe  all  things  whatso- 
ever I  have  commanded  you ;  and  lo,  I  am  with  you  alway,  even  unto  the  end  of 
the  world.    Amen."  Matt.  si.  19,90. 


BOSTON: 

PRI  NTED  BY  JAMES  B.   DOW. 

1833. 


L 


S^^^SSte 


iM. 


.k^'        ^' V,!  .i#<  J  - 


-•-■^H 


TBI 

EXPERIENCK 

or  THS 

MISSIONARY 


ightecn 
Clerk'* 


It  is  not  my  intention  to  descend  to  particulars  in  this 
pamphlet,  any  farther,  than  to  notice  the  origin  of  my  life, 
for  the  purpose  of  giving  the  youth  a  transient  view  between 
their  condition  and  mine ;  or  those  poor  children  of  the 
forest,  who  have  had  taken  from  them  their  once  delightful 
plains,  and  homes  of  their  peaceful  habitations ;  their  fathers 
and  mothers  torn  from  their  dwellings,  and  they  left  to 
mourn,  and  drop  a  tear,  and  die,  over  the  ruins  of  their 
ancient  sires.  Perhaps  you  may  ask,  why  is  this  ?  I  an- 
swer, because  of  deception  and  power,  assisted  with  the 
fiery  waters  of  the  earth — Rum.  Such,  my  young  friends, 
was  the  case  of  this  poor  self-taught  Indian  youth,  whoss 
experience  you  are  about  to  read. 

My  parentage,  according  to  the  custom  of  the  country, 
was  none  of  the  least — being  the  descendant  of  a  Cii.eu  or 
the  head  officer  of  the  nation.  But  this  availed  noihing 
with  me ;  the  land  of  my  fathers  was  gone  ;  and  their  char- 
acters were  not  known,  as  human  beings, — ^but  as  beasts  of 
prey.  We  were  represented  as  having  no  souls  to  save,  or 
to  lose ;  but  as  partridges  upon  the  mountains.  All  these 
degrading  titles  were  heaped  upon  us.  Thus  you  see,  we 
had  to  bear  all  this  tide  of  degradation ;  while  prejudice, 
stung  every  white  man,  from  the  oldest  to  the  youngest,  to 
the  very  centre  of  the  heart. 

It  was  thought  no  crime  for  old  and  young  to  hiss  at  the 
poor  Indians,  the  noblest  work  of  God,  who  had  met  with 


great  misfortunes,  and  lost  every  thing  they  had,  by  those 
very  persons  who  despised  ihem ; — ^yea,  look  which  way 
they  would,  they  could  see  no  friends,  nor  even  hear  a 
pleasant  sound  from  the  lips  of  the  white.  Yea,  there  was 
but  little  help  for  them. 

When  you  read  this,  ask  yourselves  if  ever  you  had  such 
trials  ?  If  not,  begin  now  to  prize  your  privileges,  and  show 
pity  to  those  whose  fates  are  wretched  and  cruel.  I  shall 
now  enter  more  fully  upon  my  experience  in  childhood. — 
It  will  be  well  to  speak  to  the  point ;  I  shall  make  but  few 
remarks  here,  as  I  intend  publishing,  should  the  Lord  spare 
my  life,  a  book  of  three  hundred  pages,  18mo.  in  size; and 
there,  the  reader  will  find  particulars  respecting  my  life. 

My  parents  were  of  the  same  disposition  of  the  Indians — 
that  is,  to  wander  to  and  fro.  And  although  my  father  was 
partly  white,  yet  he  had  so  much  of  the  native  blood,  that 
he  fashioned  after  them  in  travelling  from  river  to  river,  and 
from  mountain  to  mountain,  and  plain  to  plain,  on  their  jour- 
ney. 

I  was  born  atColerain,  Massachusetts,  A.D.  1793,  on  the 
80th  day  of  January.  We  lived  here  but  a  few  months, 
and  then  removed  to  Colchester,  Connecticut,  within  about 
twelve  miles  of  our  native  tribe — and  there,  to  my  sad  mis- 
fortune, my  father  and  mother  parted  ;  I  being  at  this  time 
but  a  babe,  being  not  more  than  three  years  old,  and  I  saw 
my  mother's  face  no  more  for  twenty  years.  1  was  then 
placed  with  my  grand  parents,  on  my  mothers'  side ;  who, 
my  reade.5,  were  not  the  best  people  in  the  world  ;  for  they 
would  at  times  drink  New-England  Rum,  and  then  I  was 
neglected.  How  awful  it  is  to  have  parents  who  will  drink 
spirituous  liquors  or  alcohol,  and  by  that  to  neglect  their 
dear  little  children  and  leave  them  to  suffer.  You  will  see 
how  much  I  had  to  suffer  on  the  account  of  rum. 

During  my  stay  with  the  old  folks,  our  fare  was  hard, 
there  being  five  children  of  us,  and  our  fare  was  about 
equal  as  to  earthly  comforts.  Sometimes  we  had  something 
to  eat,  and  at  other  times,  nothing.  Many  are  the  times  in 
which  we  have  gone  to  bed  supperless,  to  rest  our  little 
weary  limbs,  stretched  upon  a  bundle  of  straw ;  and  how 
thankful  we  were  for  this  comfort ;  and  in  the  morning  we 
were  thankful  to  get  a  cold  potatoe  for  our  breakfasts.     We 


i 


and] 

bate 

the 

Thv 

and' 

ribl( 

unc 

Ith 

goc 

chi 

to 

to 

ih 

w 

it 

s< 

u 

a 


fy  had,  by  those 

^ook   which  way 

lor  even  hear  a 

'  ea,  there  was 

f  you  had  such 
^eges,  and  show 
^••"f!;     1  shall 

"  childhood 

make  but  few 
the  Lord  spare 
]o.  la  size ;  and 
fng  my  ]\fe. 

the  Indians 

my  father  was 
'^e  blood,  that 
r  'o  river,  and 
on  their  jour- 

1793,  on  the 
'  »ew  months, 

^hliin  about 

'"r  sad  mis- 
;  at  this  tirne 
d,  and  I  saw 
1  was  then 

side;  who, 
'<^ ;  for  they 
then  I  was 
^  will  drink 
-g'ect  their  i 

ou  will  see 

was  hard,  | 

was  about 
something 
6  times  in 
t  our  little 
and  how 
>rning  we 
sts.     We 


thought  it  good  fare.  There  was  a  white  man  who  lived 
about  a  mile  off,  and  he  would,  at  times,  bring  us  some 
froeeqrmilk,  which  for  a  time  supplied  the  calls  of  nature. 
We  suffered  thus  from  the  cold ;  the  calls  of  nature,  as 
with  almost  nakedness ;  and  calumny  heaped  upon  us  by 
the  whites  to  an  intense  degree. 

Little  children,  how  thankful  you  ought  to  be  that  you 
are  not  in  the  same  condition  that  we  were — that  you  have 
not  a  nation  to  hiss  at  you,  merely  because  your  skins  are 
white.  ]  am  sure  that  I  rejoice  for  you,  that  it  is  not  the 
case. — But  to  proceed : — At  a  certain  time  when  my  grand- 
mother had  been  out  among  the  whites,  with  her  baskets 
and  brooms,  and  had  fomented  herself  with  the  fiery  waters 
of  the  earth,  so  that  she  had  lost  her  reason  and  judgment, 
and  in  this  fit  of  intoxication,  raged  most  bitterly  ;  and  in 
the  mean  time  fell  to  beating  me  most  cruelly ;  calling  for 
whips,  at  the  same  time,  of  unnatural  size,  to  beat  me  with : 
and  asking  me  at  the  same  time,  question  after  question,  if  I 
hated  her?  And  1  would  say  yes,  at  every  question  ;  and 
the  reason  why,  was,  because  I  knew  no  other  form  of  words. 
Thus  I  was  beaten,  until  my  poor  little  body  was  mangled, 
and  my  little  arm  broken  into  three  pieces  ;  and  in  this  hor- 
rible situation  left  for  a  while.  And  had  it  not  been  for  an 
uncle  of  mine,  who  lived  in  the  other  part  of  the  old  hut, 
I  think  that  she  would  have  finished  my  days ;  but  through  the 
goodness  of  God  I  was  snatched  from  an  untimely  grave. 

The  white  man  will  say,  '  What  cruel  creatures  to  use 
children  so  !  If  I  could  see  that  this  blame  was  attached 
to  the  poor  degraded  Indians,  I  should  not  have  one  word 
to  say.  But  when  not  a  whit  of  it  belongs  to  them,  I  have 
the  more  to  say.'  My  sufferings  certainly  were  through  the 
white  man's  measure ;  for  il.ey  most  certainly  brought  spir- 
ituous liquors  first  amongst  my  people.  For  surely  no  such 
sufferings  were  heard  of,  or  known  amongst  our  people, 
until  that  burning  curse  and  demon  of  despair  came 
amongst  us  :  surely  it  came  through  the  hands  of  the  whites. 
Surely  the  red  man  had  never  sought  to  destroy  one  anoth- 
er as  this  bane  of  hell  would  !  And  we  little  babes  of  the 
forest  had  to  suffer  much  on  its  account,  O  white  man ! 
how  can  you  account  to  God  for  this  ?     Are  you  not  afraid 

1* 


that  the  children  of  the  forest  will  rise  up  in  judgment 
and  condemn  you  ? 

Little  cliildren,  if  you  have  parents  that  drink  the  fiery 
waters,  do  all  you  can,  both  by  your  tears  and  prayers,  and 
friendly  admonitions,  to  persuade  them  to  stop  ;  for  it  will 
most  certainly  ruin  them,  if  they  persist  in  it.  But  to  pro- 
ceed.  1  did  not  long  continue  in  this  situation  ;  but  was 
relieved  from  it  by  my  uncle  making  his  complaint  to  the 
selectmen  of  the  town,  who  took  up  my  case  and  placed 
me  for  a  while  amongst  some  of  the  white  neighbors,  until  I 
was  healed  of  my  wounds ;  although  it  was  a  year  before  I 
was  able  to  help  myself  much,  without  aid.  Being  now 
about  five  or  six  years  old,  it  was  agreed  upon  that  I  should 
live  with  this  white  family  until  I  had  arrived  at  the  age  of 
twenty-one.  They  being  Baptist  people,  and  having  no 
children  of  their  own,  became  more  fond  of  me  than  is 
usual  for  people  to  be,  of  adopted  children,  and  treated  me 
with  the  utmost  kindness  ;  and  particularly  Mrs.  Fairmon, 
who  was  very  kind  and  generous.  And  as  they  had  agreed 
to  send  me  to  school — accordingly,  when  I  had  arrived  at 
the  age  of  six  years,  they  sent  me  to  school.  And  this  they 
continued  to  do  for  six  successive  winters,  which  was  about 
all  the  education  that  I  received.  The  amount  of  benefit 
which  I  have  received  from  this,  none  can  tell.  To  God 
be  all  the  praise. 

Things  began  now  to  wear  a  different  aspect ;  and  my 
little  heart  began  again  to  be  expanded,  and  I  began  to  be 
inquisitive  about  many  things.  At  times,  the  children  of 
God  would  assemble  around  me,  to  worship  the  Great  Spirit 
—something  new  to  me.  Of  course  I  listened  with  great 
attention.  Their  songs  were  sweet,  and  as  the  oil  of  joy 
no  doubt  was  in  their  hearts  to  indite  their  petitions,  to  nerve 
their  admonitions,  to  send  home  the  word  to  the  hearts  of 
those  who  heard  it,  doubtless  made  it  the  more  interesting. 
And  so  it  caught  my  youthful  heart ;  being  a  constant  hear- 
er of  these  things.  And  my  mind  became  more  knitted 
together  with  them.  And  I  would  question  Mrs.  Fairmon 
respecting  these  things.  She  would  give  me  a  great  many 
good  wholesome  admonitions,  and  tell  me,  the  young  must 
die  as  well  as  the  old ;  and  often  point  me  to  the  grave- 


ing 


in 
St 

6« 
tV 

• 

u 
c 


'  "P  '«  judgmenf 
;^;«^  drink  the  fi,,j, 

ostlfy''  and 
°  ?^«P  »•  Tor  it  will 

•?  ''•  .    But  to  0^0. 

'complaint  toZ 

Sh'"*^  P'«ced 
^e'ghbors,  untii  1 

*  «  ^'ear  before  1 

and  having  no 
'  °^  nje  than  i, 

^nrs.  t  airtnon 
•ey  had  agreed 
7  arrived  at 
.^nd  this  they 
»°n  was  about 
r  l*»«nefit 
''•     To  God 

'^^  >•  and  my 
began  to  bo 
chi/dren  of 
^reat  Spirit 

^'tb  great 
^  oiJ  of  joj. 
'!»» to  nerve 

*  beartsof 
"teresting. 
'tant  hear- 
■e  knitted 

^airmon 
Bat  many 

'"g  must 
®  grare- 


J 


yird,  and  cite  me  to  small  graves,  and  warn  me  to  prepare 
to  die.  It  would  leave  a  powerful  effect  upon  my  mind, 
which  was  not  easily  effaced.  1  re'^nllecl  the  first  time  I 
visited  a  chapel  for  the  worship  of  God.  [l  h.;ing  a  new 
place,  and  looking,  to  me,  somewhat  fine  to  the  eye,  I  took 
great  liberties,  was  something  like  a  country  clown  passing 
through  populous  villages  and  cities,  staring  all  the  while 
upon  those  fine  piles  of  buildings  which  ho  saw ;  or  like  a 
rabble  of  boys  and  girls  going  to  church  to  hear  the  Indian 
preach :  something  so  indeed,  and  so  much  so,  that  I  lost 
my  balance  of  behaviour ;  and  when  I  returned  I  received 
a  short  address,  accompanied  with  a  handsome  present,  that 
1  have  not  yet  forgotten  :  it  weighed  well  with  me,  so  that 
forever  afterwards,  I  was  enabled  to  keep  my  balance  well. 
It  would  be  well  for  heads  of  families  to  supply  their  chil- 
dren with  such  presents,  when  needed  ;  it  would  save  the 
country  from  much  disgrace.  But  to  proceed.  When  I 
was  about  eight  years  old,  the  preaching  of  the  Gospel 
powerfully  afifected  my  mind,  aUhough  I  was  ignorant  of 
the  plan  of  salvation,  through  Jesus  Christ ;  but  I  had  no 
doubt  but  the  word  was  spoken  with  divine  authority,  which 
not  only  drew  tears  of  contrition  from  me,  but  from 
many  others.  But  being  small,  and  of  little  note  in  the 
world,  no  one  supposed  that  I  wanted  religion. 

In  those  days,  the  aged  thought  the  youth  were  not  sub« 
jects  of  grace  ;  such  is  the  fact,  although  it  may  be  surpris- 
ing to  many, — so  there  was  none  to  comfort  the  little  Indian 
boy.  How  different  now  I  Lord,  help  the  youth  who  are 
exalted  to  heaven  in  point  of  privileges,  so  to  {)rize  them, 
that  they  might  not  be  thrust  down  to  hell. 

I  would  remark  here,  that  many  rise  up  against  this  doc- 
trine :  but  why  not  rise  up  against,  or  in  opposition  to,  the 
States'  prison  ?  and  house  of  correction  ?  and  even  the 
gallows  itself ;  these  are  places  to  punish  the  people  for 
their  crimes.  Some  say,  their  crimes  are  punished  here  ; 
indeed,  this  is  a  new  doctrine  :  whoever  saw  a  crime  in  the 
States'  prison  locked  up  to  hard  labor  ;  or  whoever  saw  a 
crime  hung  up  by  the  neck  }  How  absurd  then  to  delineate 
such  doctrine.  Crime  is  a  crjme,  and  stands  for  what  it  is, 
let  scoffers  say  what  they  will — may  grace  be  imparted  to 


V- 


I  it 


8 

enlighten  our  eyes.  But  to  return.  For  the  proGting  of  the 
youth,  I  would  speak  a  little  further  of  the  exercises  of 
my  mind.  Alihough  they  could  not  believe  that  I  wanted 
religion,  yet  the  Spirit  of  the  Lord  followed  me  daily  ;  and 
my  mind  was  so  overwhelmed  that  I  could  hardly  contain 
myself  to  rest,  without  giving  vent  to  my  feelings.  But 
little  did  the  people  with  whom  I  lived,  think  that  I  was 
serious  about  a  future  state ;  and  although  1  could  weep  to 
be  at  church,  yet  they  would  deny  me  at  times,  saying,  1 
only  wanted  to  look  at  the  boys  and  play  with  them  Those 
sudden  rebuffs  would  dampen  my  serious  thoughts,  and  I 
would  turn  away  to  wicked  paths  of  vice,  and  unite  with 
wicked  boys  ;  an  '  break  the  Sabbath,  by  wandering  to  and 
fro  about  the  swamps,  hedges,  ponds  and  brooks,  sporting 
with  whatever  came  in  our  way.  But  when  I  came  home 
at  night,  and  retired  to  test,  the  darkness  itself  was  a  terror 
to  me ;  as  I  would  picture  to  my  imagination,  that  the  fiends 
of  night  stood  around  me,  ready  to  devour  me.  Then  I 
would  cry  to  the  Lord  to  have  mercy  upon  my  poor  soul, 
and  promise  him  if  he  would  spare  me,  I  would  do  better. 
But,  when  the  darkness  was  past,  I,  like  Pharaoh,  forgot  ray 
promise  :  thus  I  was  led  on  by  wicked  youths  until  I  vtas 
almost  ruined  ;  until  1  was  persuaded  to  leave  my  home, 
and  wander  to  and  fro  to  seek  my  bread.  This  displeased 
Mr.  Fairmon ;  he  supposing  1  had  become  discontented, 
had  sought  me  out  another  place,  without  my  consent,  which 
displeased  me,  and  made  me  more  discontented  than  ever  ; 
I  being  at  this  time,  about  ten  years  of  age,  entirely  unfit  to 
choose  for  myself.  But  so  it  was ;  I  was  alone  in  the 
world,  fatherless,  motherless  and  helpless,  as  it  were,  and 
none  to  speak  for  the  poor  little  Indian  boy.  Had  my  skin 
been  white,  with  the  same  abilities  and  the  same  parentage, 
there  could  not  have  been  found  a  place  good  enough  for 
me.  But  such  is  the  case  with  depraved  nature,  that  their 
judgment  for  fancy  only  sets  upon  the  eye,  skin,  nose,  lips, 
cheeks,  chin  or  teeih,  and  sometimes,  the  forehead  and 
hair — without  any  further  examination  the  mind  is  made  up 
and  the  price  set.  This  is  something  like  buying  chaff  for 
wheat,  or  twigs  of  wood  for  solid  substance. 
But  to  proced  with  our  story.    The  place  that  he  had 


procui 
that  be 


i 


"i 


% 


1  was 
andc 
thou! 
inuc 

I  CO 

*yo 

ail 

1 

ba> 

ha 

as 

loi 

h< 
ti 

F 

8 
t 


»ne  exercises  of 
''ei'e  that  J  ^vanL? 
^«d  me  dailv .  "   f 
uv  fJr^  contain 

l'    .«°"'d^eepto 
/'"'es,  saying   I 

inw^'"''  and  I 
and  unite  with 

.t7^«»  'porting 

"'as  a  terror 

'/^'«t  the  fiends 
"^'««-  Then? 
iJ^y  poor  sou], 

r,^^«  better:       i 
raoh,  forgot  my        I 

^  y  home, 

^?  disp/eased       ^ 

Q'scontented, 
ODsent,  which 
'9  than  erer  • 

'I'^^y  unfit  to 
''one  in  t/,3 

i  ^'ere,  and 
*^^  "Jy  skin 
-  Parentage, 

^"ough  for 
''  'nat  their 

"ose,  Jips 

Phead  and 

s«iadeup 
chaff  foV 

t  i^ehad 


4 


9 

procured  for  me,  was  with  a  people  professing  religion, 
Ihat  belonged  to  the  Presbyterian  church,  and  withal  very 
strict.  They  also  thought  much  of  themselves ;  he  being 
formerly  a  Judge,  likewise  a  member  of  Congress,  in  the 
House  of  Representatives,  and  had  sufficient  to  supply  all 
the  common  calls  of  life,  for  all  his  household.  I  went  to 
try  my  new  home  ;  and  while  there  on  trial,  they  used  me 
pretty  fairly  ;  made  me  a  few  presents  suited  to  please  chil- 
dren, &c.  They  had  now  secured  my  favor,  as  they  thought 
— the  agreement  was  now  made  that  I  should  have  cloth- 
ing and  schooling,  so  as  to  read  and  write,  and  plenty  of 
work.  Now  this  man  is  what  is  generally  called  an 
enlightened  christian. 

But  let  us  look  at  his  proceedings,  and  see  if  he  was  ac- 
tuated by  the  spirit  of  Christ,  or  the  custom  of  the  day  : 
hear,  and  then  decide.  And  there  was  work  enough. 
This  part  of  the  bargain  was  completely  fulfilled  on  his 
part,  and  that  was  all.  As  to  my  fare,  it  was  none  of  the 
best,  though  middling :  it  was  not  so  bad  as  I  have  seen — 
T  mean  my  table  fare  and  lodging ;  but  when  we  came  tO 
the  clothing  part,  it  was  mean  enough,  I  can  assure  you. 
I  was  not  fit  to  be  seen  any  where  amongst  decent  folks, 
and  of  course  there  was  no  meeting  for  me  to  attend,  al- 
though I  had  a  desire.  But  this  good  man  did  not  care 
much  about  the  Indian  boy.  He  wished  to  hear  me  read  : 
1  could  make  out  to  spell  a  few  words — and  the  judge  said, 
*  you  are  a  good  reader.^ — I  hope  he  was  a  better  judge 
at  law.     Now  some  may  think  hard  ;    but  truth  will  stand. 

Now  the  judge  had  family  prayers,  and  was  exact  in 
having  all  his  family  to  hear  him  pray — so  he  would  always 
have  a  repetition  of  words,  and  1  soon  could  pray  as  well 
as  him  ;  and  of  course  I  did  not  care  for  his  prayers  any 
longer.  I  would  remark,  however,  that  a  colored  woman, 
who  had  lived  with  the  judge  for  many  years,  told  me,  that 
he  once  prayed,  though  previous  to  it  there  was  one  of  the 
•nost  powerful  thunderstorms  that  ever  was  known  in  these 
parts ;  and  after  he  had  made  that  prayer  he  forgot  to  pray 
again.  [  expect  there  are  many  such  in  the  world.  But 
to  proceed.  The  poor  little  Indian  boy,  when  the  Sabbath 
came,  had  no  where  to  go  to  worship  God  }  and  so,  like  all 


10 


other  little  boys  who  are  left  alone  iti  the  world,   would  intend 
stroll  about  the  lots  and  meditate  upon  past  times,  and  lis-  t|iose  > 
ten  to  the  little  songsters  of  the  forest,  which  would  chaunt  ^jween 
the  praise  of  God  for  me,  while  there  was  none  to  take  me  ^over  tl 
by  the  hand  and  lead  me  to  the  holy  place,  or  to  the  foun-  twHh  dij 
tain  of  blessedness.      Now,  if  my  face  had  been  white,  it  "eloqu®^ 
would  have  been  a  town  talk.      But  as  it  was  an  Indian    those 
face,  no  matter  whether  it  was  dirty  or  poor,  or  whether  I    whUe  ij 
had  clothing  or  not.      But  the  judge  has  gone  to  the  great     and  re^ 
Judge  above,  who  will  do  right.    I  would  not  live  with  him,     please 
and  he  sold  me,  as  a  farmer  would  sell  his  sheep  for  the 
slaughter,  without  any  of  my  knowledge  whatever,  to  Mr. 
Williams,  of  New  London  ;   and  through  hypocrisy  alone 
they  carried  me  along  to  my  place  of  destination.      I  had 
now  arrived  at  the  age  of  about  eleven  years  and   a   half, 
and  now  I  found  that  I  had  a  new  home  ;    and  in   fact,   I 
was  nol  so  much  displeased  whh  it  as  some  might  suppose, 
for  now  I  found  myself  in  a  comfortable  situation — enough 
to  eat  and  drink,  and  things  comfortable  to  wear  ;  whereas 
before,  I  was  quite  destitute  of  many  things.  This  improve- 
ment somewhat  settled  my  mind,  and  I  became  more  con- 
tented.    But  soon  I  found  that  all  his   household  wished 
me  to  become  their  servant,   from  the  cook  to  the  clerk. 
This  I  did  not  stomach  well ;  it  was  too  much  for  one  to 
bear,  to  call  every  man  '  master.'     I  thought  it  beneath  ray 
dignity  ;  of  course  there  was  war   in  the    wigwam, — who 
should  be  master.      But  Mr.  Williams  settled  with  us  all, 
and  whh  me  in  particular,  as  he  said  he  meant  to  make  me 
a  good  boy  ;    but  at  the  same  time  told  me,  that   I   must 
obey  the  heads  of  his  family,  and  all  this  was   perfectly 
right ;  and  some  good,  I  think,  was  accomplished.     How- 
ever, 1  never  cried  out,  like  the  poor   African,  '  Massa, 
Massa — Mister,  Mister, '  but  called  them  by  their  regular 
names. 

Things  now  went  on  smoothly  for  some  time.  The 
General  and  his  family  generally  attended  the  Congregation- 
al cl  urch  or  society  on  the  Sabbath,  to  hear  the  word  of 
God  dispensed  ;  though  neither  he  nor  his  family  were  re- 
ligious, yet  they  used  to  be  often  there  ;  and  their  example 
was  good,  so  far  as  it  went ;  and  so  I  had  an  opportunity  to 


X 


I    'ho  world,   B.„„ij 

'  ri'--".^.  and  2" 
^h.ch  would  ,h,« 

as  none  ,0  take  „  J 
'ce,  or  to  fhp  f«., 

-a  oeen  wrhue,  j^ 

f  o*-^  or  whether  I 
f  gone  to  the  great 

,  'T^^tever,  ,0  Mr 

>Poer,V  alone 
:^'nat,o„       j^^^ 

ars  and  a  half, 
and  in  f       J 

^"Jlg'"  suppose,     i 

^.S,f  \  ^^ereas 

anie  more  con- 
I'f^old  w/shed 
!«  the  cleric, 
^^/or  one  to 
^it  beneath  my 

^  w^'t'i  us  alJ 
t  to  make  me 
^'^at  I  must 

''^ed.     How;:         ^ 

^.^/Massa, 
their  regular 

ime.      The 
?ng'-egaiion. 
^e  word  of 
7  ^ere  re- 
T  example 
ortunit^  to 


«  11 

attend  with  them.  '/  mind  was  much  occupied  about 
tfiose  who  preach  tl  ;  gospel,  there  being  a  difference  be- 
tween those  who  preach  and  those  who  read.  1  could  dis> 
fover  this ;  the  preaching  that  I  formerly  attended  was 
fvith  divine  power,  which  made  the  language  of  the  speaker 
'eloquent  and  sublime ;  and  withal,  called  the  attention  of 
those  who  heard  it,  to  seek  the  salvation  of  their  souls ; 
while  that  of  the  latter,  being  a  selection  of  fine  sentences, 
and  read  off  in  an  elegant  style,  which  only  seemed  to 
please  the  ear  and  lull  the  people  to  sleep.  How  much 
Detter  then  to  study  and  trust  in  God,  than  to  study  and 
trust  to  head  and  pen ;  for  a  curse  is  pronounced  upon  all 
such  :  *  Cursed  is  he  that  putteth  his  trust  in  an  arm  of 
flesh ; '  and  what  is  the  difference,  whether  a  preacher 
puts  it  in  his  own  arm,  or  the  arm  of  his  neighbor  ?  Now  I 
have  not  said  this  because  I  am  biassed  by  any  sectarian 
principle  whatever ;  I  should  condemn  it  in  one  sect  as 
much  as  in  another.  But  what  said  our  Lord  ?  He  said  to 
bis  servants,  *  Go  and  preach  the  gospel  to  every  crea- 
ture.' Why  did  he  not  say — Go,  read  my  gospel  to  every 
creature  ?  Therefore  no  man  who  reads  his  sermon,  can 
be  justified  in  so  doing ;  for  Jesus  has  said,  '  Now  are  ye 
my  disciples,  if  ye  do  whatsoever  I  have  commanded  you.* 
And  if  they  who  are  the  servants  of  God  go  astray,  and  do 
wrong  continually,  and  place  things  where  they  ought  not 
to  be,  no  wonder  the  churches  are  all  the  time  in  comma* 
tion.     But  to  proceed. 

After  I  had  attended  the  meeting  a  while,  I  had  a  desire 
tQ  attend  a  methodist  meeting,  in  the  same  neighborhood. 
This  was  altogether  new  to  me  ;  but  it  was  interesting  to 
attend  them,  and  so  much  so,  that  I  desired  to  be  a  con- 
stant attendant  of  them.  By  these  meetings  I  was  led  to 
look  more  into  the  plan  of  salvation — that  it  was  free  for 
all :  *  Whosoever  would,  let  him  come  and  take  of  the  wa- 
ters of  life  freely.' 

It  was  now  tha<^^  the  Lord  began  to  revive  his  work.  The 
powers  of  darkness  began  to  gather  round,  that  the  light  of 
the  gospel  might  be  shut  out.  Beelzebub  was  busy,  both 
day  and  night,  to  prevent  good.  He  employed  all  that 
would  work  for  him,  from  th*;  pharisee  *o  the  educated 


li  . 


19 

scholar  in  the  desk — even  down  to  the  peasant  and  drunk» 
ard  that  reeled  around  in  gutters  and  mud-puddles  in  the 
street.  It  was  now  that  these  people  had  to  suffer  much  ; 
they  were  openly  called  the  scum  and  filth  of  the  earth, 
deceivers,  and,  in  a  word,  all  the  calumny  that  could  be 
heaped  upon  them,  by  those  who  ought  to  have  known  bet- 
ter. '  It  was  said,  that  it  was  a  disgrace  for  any  character 
of  respectability  to  attend  these  meetings.  But  I  can  say 
this  much  about  it — I  believe  it  arose  from  sectarian  bigots. 
Not  that  I  could  suppose  that  they,  [the  method ists,]  were 
free  from  it ;  but  have  as  much  as  their  neighbors ;  and  it 
is  the  case  with  all  sects,  that  they  are  more  or  less  bigoted. 
And  if  they  are,  they  need  not  join  with  the  devil's  crew, 
to  do  all  the  hurt  they  can  to  one  another.  This,  to  me, 
does  not  look  much  like  religion. 

But  the  work  of  God  rolled  on,  like  an  overwhelming 
flood.  Persecution  seemed  to  cement  the  hearts  of  the 
brethren  and  sisters  together,  and  their  songs  were  sweet. 
Their  prayers  and  exhortations  were  like  arrows  sticking  in 
the  heart  of  their  King's  enemy  ;  while  the  preachers 
poured  the  thunders  of  the  law  upon  them,  as  ii  God  him- 
self had  spoken  to  them,  as  he  did  to  the  children  of  Israel 
from  Mount  Sinai,  that  they  should  fear  and  tremble  at  bis 
word. 

My  heart  now  became  much  troubled,  and  I  felt  deter- 
mined to  seek  the  salvation  of  my  soul,  for  their  sayings 
did  not  affect  me  much — (although  they  did  not  want  me 
to  attend  their  meetings,)  though  I  had  neither  respectabil- 
ity nor  character  to  lose,  but  was  like  the  partridge  upon  the 
mountain,  a  mark  for  them  all  to  shoot  at^  and  hiss  at,  and 
quack  at, — which  often  put  me  in  mind  cf  the  geese  and 
crows. 

But  notwithstanding,  this  sectarian  nonsense  raged  most 
bitterly,  and  I  do  suppose  that  they  who  could  help  it  would 
not  be  willing  for  their  dogs  to  go  there  to  meeting,  for  fear 
of  bringing  disgrace  upon  themselves. — I  would  to  God 
that  people  were  more  consistent  than  what  they  are.  Say, 
would  you  like  to  lose  every  thing  that  was  neai'  and  dear 
to  you,  merely  because  your  skin  is  white  ?  I  had  to  do 
it,  merely  because  I  had  a  red  one.    Judge  ye  if  this  is 


•right ; 
evil  an( 
ter  tolol 
ings,  an[ 
sition  to| 
Why  I 
to  sport] 
of  God 
and  ladil 
are,  in  t| 
low  the 
be  so  in 
rity !     ] 
yet  the 
were  op< 
open  to 
was  plea 
upon  the 
built  up, 
built  up 
power  o 
pie,  so  th 
at  every 
was  pres( 
his  favor 
\y  ;  so  in 
belore  it 
ploud  of 
fprest,  o 
roaring  t 
to  overc* 
It  was 
and  mori 

iouiig — 
May ; 
pel'ore  G 
die  Lore 
At  on 
because 
around  i 


isant  and  drunk» 
id-puddles  in  the 
to  suffer  much ; 
1th  of  the  earth, 
\y  that  could  be 
have  known  bet- 
br  any  character 

But  I  can  say 
sectarian  bigots, 
lethodists,]  were 
eighbors;  and  it 
3  or  less  bigoted, 
he  devil's  crew. 

This,  to  me, 

n  overwhelming 
e  hearts  of  the 
gs  were  sweet, 
rrows  sticking  in 
'■  the  preachers 
,  as  ii  God  him- 
lildren  of  Israel 
d  tremble  at  his 

id  I  felt  deter- 
r  their  sayings 
not  want  me 
ler  respectabiU 
tridge  upon  the 
d  hiss  at,  and 
the  geese  and 

use  raged  most 
d  help  it  would 
3eting,  for  fear 
^ould  to  God 
ley  are.  Say, 
neai'  and  dear 
I  had  to  do 
ye  if  this  is 


13  . 

right ;  and  if  not,  stop  where  you  are,  ar  d  cease  to  do 
evil  and  learn  to  do  well.  But  again  ;  as  I  had  no  charac- 
ter to  lose,  I  became  a  constant  attendant  on  these  meet- 
ings, and  althouorh  a  sinfter  before  God,  yet  1  had  no  dispo- 
sition to  make  sport  of  the  people  of  God,  or  his  word. 
Why  I  mention  this  is,  because  so  many  go  on  purpose 
to  sport  with  one  another,  and  make  derision  of  the  people 
of  God  ;  and  those,  too,  who  call  themselves  gentlemen 
and  ladies.  Such,  however,  disgrace  themselves,  and 
are,  in  the  judgment  of  good  men,  and  their  Maker,  be- 
low the  beasts  of  the  field.  Shame  !  shame  !  shame  !  to 
be  so  indecent,  who  boast  of  so  much  correctness  and  p- 
rity  1  But,  notwithstanding  the  people  would  be  so  bad, 
yet  the  '  Lord  had  respect  unto  his  people,  and  his  ears 
were  open  to  the  cries  of  his  servants,  and  his  ears  were 
open  to  their  supplication ; '  and  in  answer  to  prayer,  lie 
was  pleased  to  revive  his  work — the  Holy  Ghost  moved 
upon  the  face  of  the  congregation ;  and  his  children  were 
built  up,  and  gathered  strength  at  every  meeting ;  and  were 
built  up  in  the  most  holy  faith  of  the  gospel,  and  soon  the 
power  of  the  Holy  Ghost  fell  powerfully  among  the  peo- 
ple, so  that  the  cries  of  the  wounded  were  distinctly  heard 
at  every  part  of  the  house.  The  great  Physician  of  souls 
Was  present,  to  heal  all  that  would  come  to  him  and  seek 
his  favor.  Thus  the  work  of  God  went  on  most  powerful- 
ly ;  so  much  so  that  Satan  and  his  army  retreated,  at  times, 
before  it ;  and  then  would  gather  around  it  like  a  thick 
^loud  of  darkness,  and  mimic  the  catamount,  or  owls  of  the 
fprest,  or  the  young  lion,  which  had  lost  its  mother,  and 
roaring  to  be  answered.  But  the  Lord  assisted  his  servants 
to  overcome  them,  through  the  word  of  his  testimony. 

It  was  now  that  conviction  settled  upon  my  mind,  more 
and  more ;  and  I  was  more  serious  than  usual.     But  being 

Jouug — only  about  fourteen  years  of  age — was  somewhat 
ighty  ;  though  when  I  considered  how  great  a  sinner  I  was 
before  God,  and  how  often  I  had  grieved  the  good  Spirit  of 
Ae  Lord,  my  distress  for  mercy  was  very  great. 

At  one  of  these  meetings  I  was  induced  to  laugh  ;  not 
because  I  wanted  to,  but  to  hide  my  distress  from  those 
•round  me.     Being  among  the  young  people,  I  did  not 

2 


ilf 


In 

■III   ': 

r 


14 


wish  for  them  to  know  it ;  but  such  was  my  seriousness, 
thnt  it  could  not  be  hid,  and  I  became  affected,  even  unto 
tears,  until  they  coursed  down  my  cheeks  like  rain.  And 
when  the  bold  persecutors  saw  it,  they  inquired  if  I  was 
one  of  the  Lamb's  people  ? 

Brother  Hill  was  at  this  time  preaching  from  these  words : 
'  Behold  the  Lamb  of  God,  who  taketh  away  the  sins  of 
'the  world.'  He  spoke  feelingly  of  his  [Christ's]  sufferings 
on  the  cross ;  of  his  precious  blood,  that  flowed  like  a  pu- 
rifying river  from  his  side  ;  of  his  sustaining  the  accumu- 
lated weight  of  the  sins  of  the  whole  world  ;  and  dying  to 
satisfy  the  demands  of  justice,  which  could  only  be  appeased 
by  an  infinite  atonement.  I  felt  convinced  that  Christ 
had  died  for  all  mankind ;  that  age,  sect,  color,  country  or 
situation  made  no  difference.  I  felt  assured,  that  I  was 
included  in  the  plan  of  redemption,  with  all  my  brethren. 
No  one  can  conceive  with  what  joy  I  hailed  this  new  doc- 
trine, as  it  was  called.  It  removed  all  my  excuses,  and  I 
freely  believed,  that  all  I  had  to  do,  was  to  look  in  faith 
upon  the  Lamb  of  God,  who  made  himself  a  free-will  offer- 
ing for  unregenerated  and  wicked  souls,  upon  the  cross.— 
My  spirits  were  depressed  ;  my  crimes  were  arrayed  before 
me — and  no  tongue  can  tell  the  anguish  of  soul  I  felt. — 
After  meeting,  I  returned  home  with  a  heavy  heart,  deter- 
mined to  seek  the  salvation  of  my  soul. 

This  night  1  slept  but  little — at  times  I  would  be  melted 
down  into  tenderness  and  tears  ;  and  then  again,  my  heart 
would  seem  as  hard  as  adamant.  I  was  awfully  tempted ; 
the  evil  one  would  try  to  persuade  me  that  1  was  not  in  the 
pale  of  mercy.  I  fancied  that  evil  spirits  stood  around  my 
bed ;  my  condition  was  deplorable,  and  awful ;  and  I  longed 
for  day  to  break,  as  much  as  the  tempest  tossed  mariner, 
who  expected  every  moment  to  be  washed  from  the  wreck 
he  fondly  clings  to, — so  it  was  with  me,  upon  the  wreck  of 
the  world,  buffeted  by  Satan,  assailed  by  the  world  ; — some- 
times in  despair ;  then  believing  against  hope — my  heart  at 
times,  seemed  almost  broke,  whilst  the  tears  of  contrition 
coursed  down  my  cheeks  like  rain. 

But  sin  was  the  cause  of  all  this,  and  no  wonder — I  groan- 
ed and  wept ',  I  had  often  sinned,    and  my  accumulated 


i 

?transgr( 
^upon  m 


large 


my  seriousness, 
Fected,  even  unto 
s  like  rain.  And 
iquired  if   I  was 

rom  these  words : 
away  the  sins  of 
irist's]  sufferings 
flowed  like  a  pu- 
ling the  accumu- 
1 ;    and  dying  to 
)nly  be  appeased 
ced  that   Christ 
3olor,  countiy  or 
■red,   that  I  was 
all  my  brethren, 
ed  this  new  doc- 
excuses,  and  I 
I  to  look  in  faith 
a  free-will  offer- 
pon  the  cross. — 
e  arrayed  before 
of  soul  I  felt. — 
yy  heart,  deter- 

vould  be  melted 
again,  my  heart 
(vfully  tempted; 
I  was  not  in  the 
itood  around  niy 
1 ;  and  I  longed 
tossed  mariner, 
from  the  wreck 
5n  the  wreck  of 
world ; — some- 
le — my  heart  at  . 
irs  of  contrition 

)nder — I  groan- 
ly  accumulated 


15 

^ansgressions  had  piled  themselves  as  a  rocky  mountain 
♦f  upon  my  heart — and  how  could  1  endure  it }  The  weight 
^thereof  seemed  to  crush  me  down — in  the  night  seasons,  I 
had  fearful  visions,  and  would  often  start  from  my  sleep  and 
gaze  around  the  room,  as  1  was  ever  in  dread  of  seeing  the 
€vil  one  ready  to  carry  me  off.  I  continued  in  this  frame 
of  mind  for  more  than  seven  weeks.  My  distress,  finally, 
became  so  acute,  that  the  family  took  notice  of  it — some  of 
them  persecuted  me,  because  I  was  serious  and  fond  of 
attending  meetings.  Now  persecution  raged  on  every  hand, 
within  and  without ;  and  I  had  none  to  take  me  by  the  hand 
and  say,  *  Go  with  us  and  we  will  do  you  good.*  But  in 
the  midst  of  difficulties,  so  great  to  one  only  little  more 
than  fourteen  years  of  age,  I  ceased  not  to  pray  for  the 
salvation  of  my  soul :  very  often  my  exercises  were  so 
great,  that  sleep  departed  from  me.  I  was  fearful  that  I 
should  wake  up  in  hell.  And  one  night  when  I  was  in  bed 
mourning,  like  the  dove  for  her  absent  mate,  I  fell  into  a 
doze.  I  thought  I  saw  the  world  on  fire — it  resembled  a 
large  bed  of  coals,  red,  and  glowing  with  heat — I  shall 
never  forget  the  impression  it  made  upon  my  mind.  No 
tongue  can  tell  or  possibly  describe,  the  agony  of  my  soul ; 
for  now,  I  was  greatly  in  fear  of  dropping  into  hell — that 
awful  place,  where  the  smoke  of  their  torments  ascendeth 
up  forever  and  ever ;  I  cried  earnestly  for  mercy — then  I 
was  carried  to  another  place,  where  perfect  happiness  seem- 
ed to  pervade  every  part,  and  the  inhabitants  thereof.  O 
how  I  longed  to  be  among  them  and  partake  of  their  hap- 
piness. I  sighed  to  be  freed  from  pain  and  misery  ;  I  knew 
that  nothing  but  the  attenuated  thread  of  life  kept  me  from 
sinking  into  the  awful  lake  which  I  beheld.  I  cannot  think 
it  is  in  the  power  of  human  language  to  describe  the  feelings 
that  rushed  upon  my  mind  at  that  moment  or  thrilled  through 
my  veins ;  every  thing  seemed  to  bear  the  signet  of  reality. 
When  I  awoke,  I  was  glad  to  find  it  was  a  vision,  and  not  a 
reality.  I  went  on  from  day  to  day,  with  ray  head  bowed 
down  ;  seeking  the  Saviour  of  sinners,  but  without  success. 
The  heavens  appeared  to  be  brass — my  prayers  wanted 
the  wings  of  faith  to  waft  them  to  the  skies.  The  disease 
of  my  heart  increased ;  the  heavenly  Physician  had   not 


16 


1  .- 


1 1  \ 


li! 


li ' ; 


1  ! 


H 
II 

Mj 
w 

•    i  ! 
'if     I  ■ 


Stretched  forth  his  hand  and  poured  upon  my  soul  the  pana- 
cea oT  the  gospel ;  the  scales  had  not  fnllen  from  niy  eyes 
— and  no  ray  of  celestial  light  had  dispelled  the  darkness 
that  had  gathered  around  my  soul ;  the  cheering  sound  of 
sincere  friendship  fell  not  upon  my  ear.  It  seemed  as  if  I 
v/RS  friendless,  unpitied  and  unknown  ;  and  at  times,  I  wish- 
ed to  become  a  dweller  in  the  wilderness.  Who  can  won- 
der then  that  1  was  almost  in  despair,  surrounded  by  diffi- 
culties and  apparent  dangers — but  I  was  resolved  to  seek 
the  salvation  of  my  soul,  with  all  my  heart — to  trust  entirely 
to  the  Lord,  and  if  I  iailed,  to  perish  pleading  for  mercy 
at  the  foot  of  the  throne.  I  now  hung  all  my  hopes  upon 
the  Redeemer — and  clung  with  indescribable  tenacity  to  the 
cross,  on  which  he  purchased  salvation  for  my  soul,  *  the 
vilest  of  the  vile.'  Tha  result  was  such  as  is  always  to  be 
expected,  when  a  lost  and  ruined  sinner  throws  himself 
entirely  on  the  Lord — perfect  freedom.  On  the  15th  day 
of  March  in  the  year  of  our  Lord  1813,  I  heard  a  voice 
saying  unto  me,  in  soft  and  soothing  accents,  '  AriaCj  thy 
sins  that  are  many  are  all  forgiven  thee  ;  go  in  peace  and 
sin  no  more.'  There  was  nothing  very  singular,  save  that 
the  Lord  stooped  to  lift  me  up,  in  my  conversion. 

I  had  been  sent  into  the  garden  to  work — and  while  there 
1  lifted  up  my  heart  to  God,  when,  all  at  once,  my  burden 
and  fears  left  me — my  soul  was  filled  with  love ;  love  to 
God,  and  love  to  all  mankind.  O  how  my  poor  heart  swell- 
ed with  joy  !  and  1  would  cry,  '  Glory  to  God  in  the  high- 
est.* There  was  not  only  a  change  in  my  heart,  but  every 
thing  around  me.  The  scene  was  entirely  changed — the 
works  of  God  praised  him,  and  I  saw  in  every  thing  that  he 
had  made,  his  glory  shine.  My  love  now  embraced  the 
whole  human  family — the  children  of  God,  I  loved  most 
dearly.  O,  how  I  longed  to  be  with  them  ;  and  when  any 
of  them  passed  me,  I  would  gaze  at  them  until  they  were 
lost  in  the  distance.  I  could  have  pressed  them  to  my 
bosom,  as  they  were  more  precious  to  me  than  gold,  and  I 
was  always  loth  to  part  with  them  whenever  we  met  togeth- 
er. The  change,  too,  was  visible  in  my  very  countenance. 
I  enjoyed  great  peace  of  mind,  and  that  peace  was  like  a 
river,  full,  deep  and  wide,  and  flowing  continually.     My 


inind  w| 
mnd  in 
his  mei 
/«ven  inl 
and  till 
love  of  I 


\  coij 
it  was 
undefi^l 
andw£ 
angels] 
the  thi 
below,! 

here  tl 

tug,  ar^ 
shoulc 

faJlhfu 

Bui 

their  < 

of  we 

most 

thatv 

meet 

the  I 

Hov 

depi 

is  o 

I  w< 

tifie 

per 

fin( 

ha^ 

pri 

tir 


M 


'ny  soul  the  pana- 

elled  the  darkness 
neering  sound  of 
it  seemed  as  if  { 

^no  can  vvon- 
•ounded  by  diffi. 
resoived  to  seek 
-to  trust  entirely 
-ad'ng  for  mercy 
/ny  hopes  upon 
'e  tenacity  to  the 

'".my  soul,  « the 
'  Js  always  to  be 
throws  himself 
'  the  15th  day 
heard  a  voice 
'ts,    '^me,  My 

0  *»  peace  and 
gular,  save  that 
rsion. 

and  while  there 
Cf,  my  burden 
^ove  J  Jove  to 
or  heart  swell, 
'd  »n  the  high, 
^''t,  but  every 

changed— the 

*n'ng  that  he 

jnbraced  the 

1  loved  most 

|a  when  any  | 
'they  were  t 
them  to  my 

goW,  and  I 
met  togeth- 
ountenance. 

was  like  a 
"«%.     My 


Kilnd  was  employed  in  contemplating  the   works  of  God, 

«nd  in  praising  his  holy  name.    I  dwelt  so  particularly  upon 

his  mercy  and  goodness  that  I   could  praise  him  aloud ; 

-€ven  in  my  sleep,  and  when  I  awoke,  it  was  glory  to  God 

and  the  Lamb — and  my  heart  burnt  continually  with  the 

love  of  God.     Well  might  the  poet  say, 

'  O  for  such  lovo,  let  rocks  and  liiils 
Their  lasting  silence  break ; 
^  And  all  harmonious  human  tongues 

The  Saviour's  praises  speak.' 

1  continued  in  this  happy  frame  of  mind  for  some  time- 
it  was  very  pleasant  to  live  in  the  enioyment  of  pure  and 
undefiled  religion — and  nought  could  1  see,  but  seas  of  rest, 
and  waves  of  glory  before  me.  I  wanted  only  the  wings  of 
angels,  to  waft  me  to  paradise ;  that  I  might  dwell  around 
the  throne  of  God  forever.  But  alas  !  I  dwelt  in  a  tent 
below,  that  held  me  fast  and  would  not  let  me  go — and 
here  to  resist  the  fiend,  the  Christian's  foe, — to  war,  and 
tug,  and  toil  at  the  oar  of  prayer,  till  time  with  me  no  more 
should  be — and  then,  if  faithful  to  my  Lord,  with  all  the 
faithful  saints  should  be. 

But  here  I  can  say,  1  had  none  to  make  me  the  object  of 
their  care ;  to  encourage  me  to  press  forward  in  the  ways 
of  well  doing.  But,  on  the  other  hand,  persecution  raged 
most  bitterly,  and  soon  I  was  deprived  of  that  privilege 
that  was  near  and  dear  to  me — such  as  the  privilege  of  class 
meetings  and  other  means  of  grace,  that  are  usually  amongst 
the  Methodists ;  and  being  young,  I  was  again  led  astray. 
How  hard  it  is  to  be  robbed  of  all  our  earthly  rights  and 
deprived  of  the  means  of  grace,  merely  because  thc)  skin 
is  of  a  different  color — ^such  has  been  the  case  with  me. 
I  would  ask  the  white  man,  if  he  thinks  that  he  can  be  jus- 
tified in  making  just  such  a  being  as  I  am,  or  any  other 
person  in  the  world  unhappy^  and  although  the  white  man 
finds  so  much  fault  because  God  has  made  me  thus,  yet  if  I 
have  any  vanity  about  it,  I  choose  to  remain  as  1  am,  and 
praise  my  Maker  while  I  live  that  an  Indian  he  has  made. 

But  again  ;  the  burden  that  was  heaped  upon  me,  at  this 
time,  was  more  than  I  could  bear,  being  only  about  fifteen 
years  old,  and  I  now  began  to  relapse  back  again  into  my 
former  state.    J  now  became  acquainted  with  wicked  and 

2* 


'i  i 


'!'* 


i 


"iii 

hi:!! 


:l 


■.)■  i- 


18 


I 


silly  youths,  and  one  of  them  whose  name  was  Miner, 
and  myself,  agreed  to  try  some  other  parts  of  the  world. 
Children  as  wo  were,  we  made  the  best  arrangements  for 
our  journey  that  we  could — and  so  ofTwe  started,  and  steer- 
ed our  course  for  New  York — with  difficulties  and  fears  we 
arrived  there.  Many  of  the  people  thought  that  we  were 
sailor  boys,  as  we  informed  them  that  we  had  been  priva- 
teering and  had  been  taken  and  set  on  shore  near  New 
London,  and  were  going  home  to  New  York  to  our  parents 
— and  it  being  war  time,  we  informed  the  people  all  we 
knew  about  it.  When  we  had  arrived  at  New  York  city, 
and  almost  alone  in  ibe  world,  and  but  little  economy  to 
take  care  of  ourselves,  we  thought  best  to  engage  in  the 
war. — So  1  became  a  musician  in  the  army,  while  my 
comrade  went  on  board  of  a  privateer. 

We  now  parted,  and  I  went  with  the  soldiers  to 
Canada,  where  I  experienced  all  the  horrors  of  war 
— fought  in  the  great  battle  of  Lake  Champlain,  with 
General  M'Comb,  with  Hampton  and  Wilkinson  at  the 
Mills.  After  the  war  was  over  I  went  to  Montreal,  and  from 
thence  to  Upper  Canada,  Fort  Niagara;  from  thence  to 
Kingston,  and  through  the  wilderness,  and  saw  many  of  my 
brethren  who  ornamented  the  wood  with  their  camps,  and 
chanted  the  wild  beasts  of  prey  with  their  songs.  Being 
now  satisfied  with  these  regions  and  their  curiosities,  I  now 
began  to  think  of  home,  and  those  kindred  friends  who  had 
long  before  buried  me  beneath  the  sods  of  the  forest,  to 
behold  my  face  no  more  forever  here — being  gone  so  long, 
nearly  five  years. 

This  journey  was  not  instructing  to  the  paths  of  virtue, 
but  of  vice.  Though  I  did  not  forget  the  past,  and  often 
recollected  those  happy  moments,  and  sighed  on  account  of 
my  condition ;  but  had  no  heart  to  pray,  no  pious  parents 
to  instruct  me — no  minister  of  God's  holy  word  to  notice 
me,  and  pour  into  ray  ear  the  blessed  truths  of  God — but  a 
poor  destitute,  helpless  child  of  the  forest,  all  alone  in  the 
world,  as  it  were.  I  now  made  the  best  of  my  way  home 
to  my  kindred  in  the  flesh,  and  when  I  arrived  there,  I  found 
them  surprised  and  rejoiced  to  see  me  on  this  side  of  the 
grave.  After  a  while  I  became  more  steady,  and  began 
once  more  to  attend  the  worship  of  God ;  and  bad  a  desire 


^  return] 
that  I  n 
that  1  hj 
deceitiul 
diers,  ad 
and  appi 
now  harl 
— for  ncl 
that  the] 
and  cat 
of  souly 
messagL 
death  fc 
by  havi 
i  vain  fo 
thail  ! 
%       My  ' 
%    ed  the 
^   made  Ij 
%    dren  of 
i    bave  IT 


ve  was  Miner, 
of  the  world. 
Tangements  for 
l^ed,  and  steer- 
'es  and  fears  we 
that  we  were 
ad  beenpnVa- 
lore  near  New 
f  to  our  parents 
;  people  all  we 
^ew  York  city, 
'e  economy  to 
-ngage  in  the 
7}    while    my 

e  soldiers  to 
>rrors  of  war 
'amplain,  with 
K'nson  at  the 
real,  and  from 
*ro  thence  to 
j^  many  of  my 
'•  camps,  and 
^"gs.  Being 
asities,  I  now 
'nds  who  had 
'e  forest,  to 
;one  so  iong, 

is  of  virtue, 
't»  and  often 
I  account  of 
'0"s  parents 
J  to  notice 
Jod — but  a 
''one  in  the 
^ay  home 
're,  I  found 
side  of  the 
and  began 
^d  a  desire 


\ 


19 


■I 


to  return  from  my  backsliding  state,  to  the  worship  of  God, 
that  I  might  enjoy  his  smiles  again.  For  it  was  now 
that  I  had  become  wretched  and  miserable  through  the 
deceitlulness  of  sin  :  and  bad  examples  of  the  white  sol- 
diers, and  nothing  but  thick  darkness  gathered  around  me  ; 
and  apparently,  my  situation  was  worse  than  before.  It  was 
now  harder  to  seek  the  Lord  than  it  was  when  I  was  young 
— for  now  my  sins  were  redoubled  ;  and  it  appeared  indeed 
that  there  was  no  mercy  for  me.  And  when  1  went  to  pray 
and  call  upon  God  for  mercy,  I  was  met  by  the  enemy 
of  souls  who  very  readily  thrusted  a  dart  at  me  filled  with  a 
message  of  despair,  that  there  was  nothing  but  eternal 
death  for  me ;  that  1  had  committed  the  unpardonable  sin, 
by  having  sinned  against  the  Holy  Ghost,  and  it  was  all  in 
vain  for  me  to  try  again  for  help  in  God — that  he  was  sure 
that  I  should  make  up  his  host  in  hell. 

My  distress  became  more  acute  than  ever — but  I  attend- 
ed the  meetings  where  God's  children  meet,  and  at  last  1 
made  known  my  distress  to  them  ;  and  they,  the  dear  chil- 
dren of  God,  comforted  me,  by  saying  that  Christ  would 
have  mercy  upon  the  worst  of  sinners,  and  encouraged  mo 
to  pray  ;  and  then  prayed  with  and  for  me. 

I  sought  the  Lord  for  weeks  and  months,  and  at  last  I 
began  to  see  that  I  had  received  some  of  his  divine  appro- 
bation :  to  say  that  I  immediately  had  as  clear  an  evidence 
as  I  had  before,  I  cannot.  But  when  I  acknowledged  my- 
self a  sinner  before  the  people,  and  confessed  what  a  sin- 
ner 1  had  been,  then  the  light  of  God's  countenance  broke 
into  my  soul,  and  I  felt  as  if  I  were  on  the  wings  of  angels, 
and  ready  to  leave  this  world.  I  united  with  the  Method- 
ists and  was  baptized  by  immersion,  and  strove  to  walk 
with  them  in  the  way  to  heaven ;  and  can  say,  that  I  spent 
many  happy  hours  with  them  in  the  worship  of  God  ;  and 
to  this  day,  I  most  heartily  rejoice  that  I  was  brought  again 
from  the  dead  to  praise  God.  After  a  while,  I  began  to  ex- 
ercise my  gift  in  the  way  of  prayer  and  exhortation,  and 
was  blest  in  so  doing.  I  began  to  be  exercised  more  abun- 
dantly about  the  salvation  of  precious  souls,  and  began  to 
have  a  desire  to  call  sinners  to  repentance  in  a  public  way  ; 
and  it  appeared  I  could  not  rest  ia  any  other  way ;  but  1 


il 


ill 


i  i 


t'l 


H 


ill 

< 


be. 

world- 


knew  that  I  was  weak  and  ignorant  as  to  the  letter,  and  not   \$  "^  ^^ 
only  so,  1  was  already  a  hissing-stock,  and  a  by-word  in  the    P>"' 
world,  merely  because  I  was  a  child  of  the  forest ;  and  to    f^l  > 
add  any  more  occasion  to  the  weak  and  scornful  faruly  of    tbonzo 
the  whites,  was  more  than  I  wished  to  do  :  but  theni  was     tor  *,  ^ 
no  peace  for  me,  either  by  day  or  night.      Go  I  must,  and     that  i 
expose  my  ignorance  to  the  world,  and  strive  to  preacli,  or     WQ  «_ 
exhort  sinners  to  repentance.     I  soon  found  men  like  ad- 
ders, with  poison  under  their  tongues,  hissing  around  me  ; 
and  to  this  day  1  find  now  and  then  one  hissing  at  me.  My 
trials  again  were  many,  and  apparently  more  than  I  could 
bear  ;  but  I  entreated  of  God  to   show  me  my  duty,  and 
prayed  to  him  for  a  token  of  his  grace,  when  1  went  to  call 
sinners  to  repentance.      The  Lord  heard  prayer,  and  sent 
down  his  awakening  power,   and  convinced  smners  of  the 
error  of  their  ways ;  but  1  was  too  unbelieving ;  believing 
that  I  was  not  the  character  that  God  should  take  to  thresh 
the  mountains  of  sin.     The  angel  of  the  Lord  appeared  to 
me  in  the  visions  of  the  night,  and   read  some  extracts  of 
John's  Gospel.  It  appeared  that  before  me  there  was  a  plain, 
and  upon  that,  the  sun  shone  delightfully  ;  but  it  was  a  dif- 
ficult place  for  me  to  reach,  being  a  dark  and  winding  way, 
through  mire,  but  I  reached  it ;  here  I  was  encouraged  by 
the  angel  to  persevere.      It  was  now  when  1  awoke,  that  I 
was  troubled  still   tho   more ;  and   night   and  day   it  was 
preach,  preach ;  though  many  thought  it  would  be  a  mira- 
cle for  such  an  ignorant  creature  as  I  to  preach  the  gospel. 
But  it  is  a  fact  that  I  had  a  difficult  road  to  travel  before  I 
really  got  to  preaching  ;  but  I  can  say  that  I  have  seen  the 
salvation  of  the  Lord  in  so  doing,  and  God  has  made  me, 
the  unworthiest  of  all  his  servants,  the  humble,  happy  in- 
strument in  bringing  many  to  bow  at  his  sceptre.     To  Him 
be  all  the  glory  forever.  I  would  now  say  that  I  have  beca 
a  regular  member  in  the  IVlethodist  Episcopal  and  Protest* 
ant  Me.  Church,  for  about  nine  years  ;  it:  tl* :  jt!.  i-*.  Church 
I  was  an    exhorter  for  eighteen  months.      I  left  them  in 
good  standing,   and   with  good  credentials,  on  April  1 1th, 
1829  and  united  with  the  Protestant  Methodists,  not  because 
I  had  any  thing  very  special  against  the  former,  any  further 
iUan  their  government  was  not  republican^    Their  religion 


I 


d  a  by-word  in  rhe 
r«  forest ;  and  to 
'  »cornfui  fa^,f.    ^^ 

'o  ••  but  there,  was 

"^e  to  preach,  or 
und  menJikead. 
ps'ng  around  me : 
I'ssing  at  me.  My 
*o'e  than  I  couid 

"en  J"^  ^'''y*  «"^ 
'®n  '  went  to  call 

P'^^yer,  and  sent 
r'o  sinners  ol  the 
fy'ng;  beheving 
'd  t«ke  to  thresh 
^ord  appeared  to 
fome  extracts  of 
''^'-ewas  a  plain, 
^'t  n  was  a  dif. 
nd  winding  way. 

encouraged  by 

'awoke,  that  I 

*"^/«r   it  was 

°"  J  be  a  mira. 

J^b  the  gospel. 

travel  before  I 

Jave  seen  the 

nas  made  me, 

^ble,  hanpy  i^l 

^«-     To  Him 
1 1  have  been 
'  «"'^  Prote?r. 
*^    *'.  Church 
'e/t  them  in 
'  ^PrilHth, 
f  not  because 
;» any  further 
"wi*  reiigion 


SI 

il  as  good  as  it  ever  was.  I  Lnve  been  in  the  Protestant 
iluir  something  like  four  years,  as  a  preacher  of  the  got- 
1^1  ;  and  in  that  time  have  received  lioly  orders,  as  an  au> 
thorizod  minister  of  Christ,  to  attend  to  the  duties  of  a  pas- 
tor ;  and  I  am  no  sectarian  'vhatever,  but  boldly  declare, 
that  I  have  preached  for  all  that  would  open  their  doors; 
and  all  sects  l>ave  bid  me  welcome  ;  and  this  is  as  it  should 
be.  May  God  pour  his  spirit  upon  them  all,  and  all  the 
world.     Amen.  William  Apes. 


« 


M 


THE 


EXPERIENCE 


OF   THE 


MISSIONARY'S  CONSORT. 


WRITTEN    BY    HERSELF. 


1 

day 
the 


born  in  Lyme,  (Conn.)  A.  D.   17S8,  on  the  third 


WAS 

of  January 
Spanish 


lands 


My  fathe 


a  descendant  of  one  of 


was 
or  a  native  of  Spain.  My  mother  was 
an  English  woman,  a  descendant  of  the  Wood's  family,  of 
Lyme.  My  father  died  when  I  was  small,  and  like  all  oth- 
er fatherless  children,  I  had  t«^  be  placed  out  among  stran- 
gers. My  mother  having  but  little  property,  and  not  being 
able  to  sustain  me,  being  a  poor  child,  this  was  done  be- 
fore I  had  arrived  at  my  sixth  year,  and  amongst  people, 
too,  who  neither  feared  God  nor  regarded  man,  but  blas- 
phemed their  blessed  Maker,  and  that  too,  with  the  greatest 
impunity.  The  woman  was  a  proud  and  haughty  person, 
and  often  raged  most  bitterly  at  me,  and  that  too,  for  tha 
most  trivial  things.  I  had  no  pious  parents  or  guardians  to 
teach  me  the  paths  of  virtue  ;  1  never  recollect  any  seri- 
ous impression  made  on  my  mind  while  I  lived  with  these 
people,  by  their  admonitions.  One  day  it  was  suddenly 
suggested  to  my  mind,  that  God  saw  me,  and  I  was  afraid 
to  die.  I  was  guilty  before  him,  and  I  wished  to  find  some 
place  to  hide  from  his  presence  ;  but,  since  I  have  found 
Jesus  precious  to  my  soul,  I  have  regretted  that  I  sought  him 
not  when  I  was  young ;  but  I  had  none  to  lead  me  to 


cA 


S3 


SORT. 


h  on  the  third 
^^"^  of  one  of 
lyyher  was 

'^  ^'^e  all  otii. 
^";ong  stran- 
'"^  not  be,W 
^as  done  be- 
ngst  ])eop/e, 
"'  but  bias- 
"^e  greatest 
?'>^  person, 
foo'  for  the 
J«fdians  to 

fnyseri- 
""tb  t/iese 

surfdeniy 
^as  afraid 
^nt^  some 
^e  found 
Jgbt  hitn 
d  nae  to 


'I 


V^- 


^e  blessed  fountain  of  holiness,  where  my  sins  might  be 
rashed  away  ;  there  was  none  that  cared  for  my  precious 
mi. 

I  was  now  residing  at  Mr.  D.  Gillet's,  in  Lyme ;  being 
^^:jiow  about  twelve  years  of  age,  and  about  this  time  a  cir- 
cumstance happened  that  it  was  thought  best  that  1  should 
go  home.  1  went  home,  and  there  stayed  about  two  months 
as  senseless  to  the  reality  of  a  future  state,  as  the  beasts  of 
the  field.  And  then  I  was  again  bound  out  to  Mr.  Aniel 
Ely,  in  Lyme,  where  I  continued  until  I  was  eighteen  years 
of  age.  Mr.  Ely  was  a  member  of  the  Presbyterian  church. 
He  used  to  say  his  prayers  every  Saturday  night  and  Sun- 
day morning  ;  after  a  few  times  in  attendance,  I  could  say 
;f  his  prayer  as  well  as  he.  I  used  to  be  at  church  on  the 
If  Sabbath,  but  Mr.  Ely  never  told  mo  I  had  a  soul  to  save 
or  to  lose.  I  could  not  tell  what  I  went  to  meeting  for,  un- 
less it  was  to  see  and  be  seen,  and  learn  fashions  ;  what  the 
minister  said,  I  understood  not,  nor  did  it  affect  my  mind. 
Thus  1  went  on,  careless  and  prayerless  for  about  two  years. 
When  I  had  advanced  to  fourteen  years  of  age,  there  ar- 
rived in  our  neighborhood  a  Missionary,  by  the  name  of 
Bushnell.  Before  I  heard  him  preach,  he  paid  us  a  visit, 
and  hearing  much  about  him,  I  was  anxious  to  see  him,  but 
did  not  wish  for  him  to  see  me.  I  was  afraid  of  ministers 
and  professors  of  religion  ;  1  thought  them  a  better  people 
than  others  :  but  after  tea,  the  missionary  made  his  appear- 
ance to  us  in  the  room  where  the  children  were,  and  there 
he  very  affectionately  exhorted  us  all.  This  was  the  first 
time  that  I  had  ever  been  warned  to  seek  the  salvation  of 
my  soul.  His  words  sank  deep  on  my  mind  ;  I  began  to 
weep  as  soon  as  he  had  left  me ;  I  went  out,  and  for  the 
first  tline  I  ever  felt  the  need  of  praying  or  of  a  Saviour  ;  I 
knelt  and  poured  out  my  soul  to  God,  that  he  would 
have  mercy  upon  me  ;  although  I  had  never  seen  any  body 
kneel,  yet  it  was  impressed  on  my  mind  that  I  must,  and 
from  that  time  I  cried  to  God  earnestly  every  day,  during 
some  months. 

The  missionary  preached  that  Sabbath,  and  I  attended 
all  his  meetings ;  the  word  was  with  power  to  my  heart ;  I 
think  he  was  the  first  roaa  of  God  I  ever  heard  preach. 


,i: 


!li. 


24 

uhnnU         1        '^  *  ^"C  wretrh    I  «     1 ,      ™®  'n  heaven 
P'»ce.     Whl.M^'A''^  Srace,  that  could  fi.T 'f'''""' 

when  I  was  nipw;».  ♦•       **     ^"^  wou  d  sav  f«  '  ^"" 

"ead  vvas^^Cf "    "I  "Po„  ^^'h  and    /dg°em  '.L^*^' 

/  v^fnt  to  discouraee  in**       r>     t    ^'cked  and  an  i,r,K 


.  ,    '    "~  wijc  lias 
"ftht.    Poor  wo- 


]p)out  this 

god  held  I 

ifiid  aboul 

devil  amo 

go  to  the 

This  prej 

ear,  whic 

been  on  t 

Howe> 

no  one  tc 

at  times, 

that  it  vvi 

to  look  a 

hand,  an 

noi-  frien 

1  am  sui 

than  no^ 

amples  1 

ierful  ibi 

^luring  w 

,  I  yielde 

horrible 

compar 

most  b( 

thankft 

males  J 

V  to  swif 

in  the 

V     a  chec! 

bible  ; 

enemy 

it  was 

lieve  i 

my  h( 

*  Exc 

can  it 

why  1 

being 

good 


n  '<^  hear  h''tn 

^t  me  tor  that 
:  V-re  deep.' 

""l".  ''ot  one  in 
"bject  (o  a,e? 

i  "^^i-  men. 
5^^  members. 

foijeipme. 
'®"^ed  with'  ^ 

"  ^^e  house  K 

somefiojes  J 

^f  me,  and 
^  3t  times, 
f»  that  mjr 

^J^couid 
^^rgr/ev. 

'^  Peaces, 
'e  to  un- 
';H  and 
'er,  and 
ind  and 

ivou/d 

unijo- 
fjehas 


;i- 


25 


apti,  she  died  as  she  lived,  a  poor  and  impenitent  sinner. 
4|bout  this  time  the  Methodists  came  into  the  neighborhood, 
•pd  held  meetings  about  a  mile  off:  there  was  every  thing 
•aid  about  them  but  good.  It  was  said  that  they  bad  the 
devil  amongst  them,  and  I  believed  it,  and  would  as  soon 
go  to  the  house  of  ill-fame,  as  I  would  to  their  meetings. 
This  prejudice  only  came,  however,  by  the  hearing  of  the 
ear,  which  made  me  as  foolish  as  thousands  of  others  have 
been  on  the  S9me  account. 

However,  I  continued  to  pray,  but  I  was  alone  ;  I  had 

00  one  to  communicate  my  feelings  to  but  the  Lord,  and  he 
at  times,  gave  me  sweet  peace  of  mind  :  but  I  did  not  know 
that  it  was  religion.  1  had  no  pious  father  or  godly  pastor 
to  look  after  me,  nor  mother  in  Israel,  to  take  me  by  the 
hand,  and  drop  an  encouraging  word  of  sympathy  over  me  ; 
nor  friends — none  of  these  blessings  was  I  favored  with,  and 

1  am  sure  that  I  did  not  want  the  world  any  more  then, 
than  now.  But  having  no  pious  instructer  or  ciiristian  ex- 
amples before  me,  the  enemy  of  my  soul  became  too  pow- 
erful for  me.  I  had  a  proud  heart,  a  tempting  devil,  an  al- 
luring world  to  flatter  and  decoy  me  away,  and  to  its  force 
I  yielded — cast  off  fear,  and  restrained  prayer.  O  how 
horrible  was  my  situation  now,  and  I  again  slid  into  rude 
company,  gave  away  to  the  pride  of  my  heart,  and  my 
most  besetting  sins  were  music  and  dancing.  And  how 
thankful  I  am  that  I  was  never  led  away  as  many  poor  fe- 
males are,  to  disgrace  themselves  forever,  and  sometimes 
to  swift  destruction  and  to  a  miserable  hell.  I  went  on  now 
in  the  way  of  folly,  but  not  without  conscience  givi.ng  me 
a  check  at  times,  till  I  was  23  years  of  age.  I  would  read  my 
bible  ;  at  times  I  would  be  displeased  with  it,  and  the  grand 
enemy  of  my  soul  would  tempt  me  not  to  believe  it ;  that 
it  was  a  libel  upon  the  world,  and  for  a  while  I  tried  to  be- 
lieve it.  But  there  was  a  passage  that  so  forcibly  struck 
my  heart,  that  I  could  not  doubt  its  correctness ;  that  is, 
*  Except  ye  be  converted  and  become  as  a  little  child,  ye 
can  in  no  wise  enter  the  kingdom  of  heaven.*  The  reason 
why  I  felt  so  indifferent,  I  suppose  it  originated  from  my 
being  at  Hartford,  (Conn.)  where  I  learned  more  evil  than 
good  'j  for  I  used  to  attend  all  the  parties  of  recreation  thai 

3 


r>Wi( 


/ 


26 

came  in  my  way  ;  and  in  reading  those  sacred  pages,  the)  mkx  t\rne 
condemned  my  former  proceedings,  and  my  heart  was  no  ^||^  deav\i 
willing  to  submit  to  them.      But  1  would  remark  further     -   \  ever 
whilst  1  lived  in  Hartford,  although  I  used  to  frequent  the   joeetings*, 
ball-chamber,  yet  when  1  returned  home  and  meditated  or  ^\,  I  felt 
death,  judgment  and   eternity,  it  would  blast  all  my  imag-   ^t  but  ju 
inary  happiness,  and  my  heart  would  sink  in  sorrow  down,    «|ieved  ih' 
because  1  was  such  a  sinner.      And  while  here  in  the  city     persecutK" 
of  Hartford,  I  heard  of  the  Methodists,  but  it  was  only  in     Jmd  beco 
the  way  of  derision  j  1  heard  of  their.camp-meetings — that     ^hougb 
they  had  the  most  awful  works  that  ever  was  known,  or      ^es,  I 
heard  of;  and  1  believed  it — and   took  no  pains  to  inform     ||aine  wb 
myself,  but  lived  on  the.  credit  of  hearsay.  |n  their  v 

Bui  although  1  was  such  a  wicked  sinner,  I  could  not       Vanities 
bear  the  thought  of  going  to  hell.      Yet  I  went  on  in  rebel- 
lion against  God,  and  did  not  seek  for  instruction  ;  if  I  had, 
I  do  not  doubt  that  I  should  have  found  it.    Yet  I  felt  sen- 
sible that,  without  religion,  I  must  go  to  hell.    But  when  I 
arrived  to  the  age  of  tweniy-one,  I  thought  1  would  aban- 
don all  hopes  of  iieaven,  and  if  1  went  to  hell,  I  should  not 
go  alone — that  I  should  have  plenty  of  company ;  so  I  thought 
1  would  rest  easy  where  I  was ;  and  if  I  should  live  to  old 
age,  then  1  would  seek  the  Lord,  and  get  ready  todre.  But 
how  little  did  I  think  of  the  uncertainty  of  life.     But  being 
now  at  my  mother's  home,  and   having  been  informed  that 
the  Methodist  meetings  were  about  two  miles  off,  and  was 
strongly  invited  by  one  of  my  neighbors  to  go  to  meeting  with 
her.      So  notwithstanding  1  had  united  to  make  derision  of 
them,  with  the  rest  of  the  wicked,  yet  for  the  first  time,  1 
thought  that  1  would  go  ;  though  all  the  neighbors  around, 
with  the  exception  of  a  few,  told  the  same  sad  tale.      Yet, 
thought  I,  it  is  no  harm  for  me  to  go  and  hear  for  myself 
— so  I  went.      1  think  1  never  shall  forget  the  preacher's 
text ;  it  was  in  Acts,  xxiv.  25  :  '  And  as  he  reasoned  of  right- 
eousness, temperance,'  &c.     And  as  the  words  fell  from 
the  preacher's  lips,  so  it  seemed  to  sink  with  weight  into  my 
heart — and  its  powerful  effect  was  very  great.     I  was  con- 
vinced that  I  was  a  sinner,  and  must  be  lost  without  a  Sav- 
iour.     I  saw  that  I  was  to  blame  for  the  sins  I  committed,, 
and  no  one  eLe.     I  began  to  tremble  like  a  Felix.     I  saw 
it  would  not  do  to  put  off  repentance  until  old  age,  for  I  savr 


ponder 
of  heartj 
I  wanl 

it,  and 

year. 

tnovber 

10  a  nei 

ing;  ^' 
got  to  \ 
return 

ibeLf 
motbe 

my  S< 
yie\d< 

M.    atioti 

%    Mar 

'^'     wou 

— s 

lb 

feit 

er, 

lb 

c\ 

it 

E 


hni°  '""^^"ent  the 

tin  f^  ""y  '"^ag. 
n  sorrow  down 

f  r  ^'^  ^^^^  4 

r  't  'vas  only  in 
■  ■;  ".^  «nown,  or 

fPtoninrebei- 
t°";'nhad, 

'^-    ^"i  w/ien  / 
,,/  y^ouJd  aban- 
n  '  «5"uM  not 
^^''°  J 'bought 
^^*^  ^'^e  to  old 

:'    ^"t  feeing 
'"^'•'^ed  thai 

ofl;  and  was 
"meeting  with 
^.^^J^ision  of 
'  ^'st  time,  J 
ors  around, 
^^'^-      Yet, 

^or  myself 

P'*eacher's 
edofright- 
1  f^ii  from 
nt  into  my 
^  ^as  con- 
out  a  Say- 
>mmitted, 
•    [saw 


S7 

UMit  time  was  short,  and   eternity  near,  and  life  uncertain, 
i||d  death  certain. 

I  ever  afterwards  attended  the  poor  despised  Methodist 
»eeiings ;  and  while  sitting  under  the  preaching  of  the  gos- 
^1,  1  felt  myself  such  a  lost  sinner,  that  at  times,  1  could 
not  but  just  refrain  from  crying  aloud  for  mercy.  But  I 
grieved  the  Holy  Spirit  again  and  again.  I  was  afraid  of 
persecution — not  being  willing  to  give  up  my  good  name, 
mad  become  a  follower  of  the  meek  and  humble  Jesus, 
^fhough  conviction  for  sin  did  so  powerfully  sit  upon  me  at 
limes,  I  knew  not  what  to  do  ;  yet,  when  my  young  mates 
Jlame  where  I  was,  or  I  with  them,  I  would  join  with  them 
In  their  folly.  O  how  hard  it  was  to  give  them  up,  and  the 
vanities  of  this  life,  for  an  interest  in  Christ  Jesus.  It  is  a 
wonder  of  mercy  that  he  did  not  give  me  up  to  hardness 
of  heart,  and  to  a  reprobate  mind. 

I  wanted  religion  in  my  own  way,  and  had  a  wish  to  have 
it,  and  keep  it  to  myself.  I  kept  along  in  this  way  about  a 
year.  I  recollect  at  a  thanksgiving,  while  at  home,  my 
mother  wished  me  to  attend  with  her,  on  an  evetyng  visit 
to  a  neighbor's  house ;  bftt  I  felt  very  indifferent  about  go- 
ing ;  but  to  piease  her,  I  gave  my  consent :  but  before  we 
got  to  the  house,  I  heard  music  and  dancing  ;  I  wished  to 
return  and  go  no  farther,  for  I  knew  that  I  had  promised 
the  Lord  that  I  would  not  dance  any  more.  1  told  my 
mother  I  did  not  Wish  to  join  them — but  she  insisted  on 
my  going,  saying,  that  '  I  was  not  obliged  to  dance  ; '  so  I 
yielded,  and  went  along  ;  and  when  we  arrived  there,  I  was 
very  soon  asked  to  dance — but  1  refused,  with  a  determin- 
ation not  to :  but  my  mother  said  that  if  she  was  young  as 
Mary,  she  would.  Hearing  her  say  so,  I  thought  if  she 
would  if  she  was  able,  surely  it  would  be  no  hurt  for  me 
— so  I  went  on  to  the  floor,  but  not  willingly  ;  and  when 
I  began  to  dance,  it  seemed  as  if  the  floor  would  sink.  I 
felt  awfully — a  condemned  sinner  before  God.  Howev- 
er, I  staid,  and  spent  the  evening  with  them.  I  mention 
this  to  show  how  much  parents  may  do  in  keeping  their 
children  from  the  kingdom  of  God  :  but  my  mother  was 
irreligious,  and  I  regret  to  this  day,  that  I  had  no  pious  pa- 
rents or  teachers  to  instruct  me.     But  after  all,  It  is  a  won- 


28 


i»* 


'\.   ' 


der  that  God  did  not  take  me  out  of  the  world,  and  send 
me  to  hell. 

After  I  had  arrived  at  my  twenty-fourth  year,  the  Lord 
seemed  to  blast  all  my  earthly  joys  and  schemes  by  sick- 
ness and  disappointments  ;  but  I  could  see  the  hand  of  God 
in  this  ;  but  what  it  could  be  for,  I  was  not  aware — but 
thought  God  was  angry  with  me,  and  I  did  not  know  what 
he  was  going  to  do  with  me.  Surely  he  led  me  in  a  way 
I  knew  not. 

At  that  time  I  was  away  from  home,  nursing  a  sick  wo- 
man. One  night  after  I  had  retired,  I  was  reading  u  hymn 
— *  Come  humble  sinners,  in  whose  breast ; '  and  when  I 
had  come  to  this  verse — 

*  I  '11  go  to  Jesus  though  my  sins,  •   ^ 

Hath  like  a  mounUin  rose  ; 
I  know  his  courts,  I  '11  enter  in, 

Whatever  may  oppose.' 


s 


—and  sumers 
s  saying, son, 


■:1! 


I  here  viewed  Jesus  in  the  flesh,  while  u 
about  doing  good,  and   his  followers  with  h 

falling  at  his  feet,  crying  for  mercy — and  J ^...j,,  _„.., 

daughter,  go  in  peace  and  sin  no  more  ;  for  thy  sins,  which 
are  many,  are  all  forgiven  thee.  There  was  such  a  deep 
sense  of  my  transgressions  before  me,  that  1  had  commit- 
ted against  a  holy  God,  that  I  could  hardly  contain  myself. 
I  thought  if  he  had  been  here,  how  gladly  would  I  have 
fallen  at  his  feet,  and  implored  forgiveness  at  his  hand.  I 
can  truly  say  that  I  felt  the  need  of  mercy,  but  did  not 
know  how  to  obtain  it :  there  was  no  one  near  me  that  pray- 
ed, and  what  to  do  I  did  not  know.  A  thousand  thoughts 
rushed  through  me  as  in  a  moment  of  lime,  but  I  tried  to 
raise  my  heart  to  God,  which  seemed  to  quiet  me  a  little. 
1  was  afraid  to  go  to  sleep,  but  some  time  in  the  night  I  fell 
into  a  doze,  and  when  I  awoke,  it  was  impressed  powerful- 
ly on  my  mind  that  I  must  break  ofl^  niy  sins,  and  go  in 
secret  and  pra) — but  how  to,  1  knew  not,  I  had  been  such 
a  sinner  before  God  ;  but  I  tried  to  lift  my  heart  to  God, 
and  continued  to  do  so  a  number  of  times  during  the  day. 
I  broke  off  from  my  outward  sins,  and  strove  to  do  better ; 
but  did  not  reveal  my  mind  to  any.     I  went  home,  burden- 


'A' 


I»e  world,  and  send 

'^  y^^'^  the  Lord 

e  tnehandofGod 
f^  "«t  aware— but 
'  ,  "'^t  ^now  what 
^ed  me  in  a  way 

''"'■"g  a  sick  wo. 

'  redding  H  hymn 
pf »     and  wlien  I 


^on  eart/,,  go/„g 
""—^nd  sinnerf 
^us  saying,  son, 
^l^y  sins,  which 
js  such  a  deep 
'  '^ad  commit: 
ontain  myself 

^°"[d  J  have* 
"'s  iiand.    f 

'   ^"t  did  not 
"e  that  pray. 

and  thoughts 
'"t  I  tried  to 
f  "le  a  little. 
5  »'§ht  I  fell 
^  Powerfuj. 
I  ^'^^  go  in 
'  oeen  such 
"•t  to  God, 
g  the  day. 
^o  better  • 
'» burden' 


3f 

#1  with  sin  and  guilt :  I  found  no  peace — there  was  a  gloom 
Aread  over  creation,  and  death  seemed  to  be  written  on 
«n  :  1  said,  and  I  wanted  nothing  but  a  preparation  for  it — 
Ibr  I  had  no  desire  for  the  things  of  this  world — and  some- 
limes  I  thought  I  took  comfort  in  trying  to  pray,  and  sing- 
ing one  of  Doctor  Watts'  psalms — to  hope,  to  love,  to  pray, 
is  all  that  I  require.  The  enemy  of  my  soul  told  me  that 
I  was  good  enough — that  I  could  pray  and  praise,  and  that 
was  all  that  God  required  of  me. 

I  now  went  about  to  establish  my  own  righteousness ;  I 
l^as  a  godly,  formal  saint;  a  pharisee  within.  I  fear 
thousands  build  upon  the  same  sandy  fouudalioa  that  I  was 
then  building  upon.  I  praise  God  while  I  am  writing,  that 
lie  was  jealous  of  his  own  glory  and  soon  divested  me  of  my 
fags  of  self-righteousness,  and  opened  my  eyes  and  showed 
we  whereabouts  I  was — that  I  was  a  guilty,  wretched, 
helpless  sinner  before  him,  and  he  only  kept  me  from  sink- 
ing down  to  the  abyss  of  woe.  I  now  read  my  bible  :  but 
it  condemned  me.  I  became  angry  at  it,  and  with  God,  and 
wished  to  cast  it  from  me — I  thought  it  hard  for  me  to  sub- 
mit to  his  will  or  go  to  hell.  1  envied  all  the  dumb  beasts 
of  the  field,  because  they  were  innocent,  and  had  no  souls. 
The  very  pains  of  hell  got  hold  of  me ;  and  I  thought  if 
hell  were  as  bad  as  my  conscience,  it  might  well  be  called 
hell.  * 

However,  T  went  to  meeting,  and  said  nothing  to  any 
one,  nor  they  to  me.  It  happened,  that  T  was  at  a  house 
where  one  of  the  class  was  employed  ;  a  very  pious  man. 
I  made  known  my  mind  to  him,  and  he  encouraged  me  to  be 
faithful.  I  informed  him  that  I  wanted  to  attend  class  ;  he 
informed  his  leader,  and  I  had  an  invitation  to  attend,  and 
was  thankful  for  the  privilege ;  and  when  they  asked  me  the 
state  of  my  mind,  I  told  them  the  exercises  and  desires  that 
I  had ;  and  they  exhorted  me  to  be  faithful,  to  seek  the 
Saviour  of  sinners.  But  I  was  so  hard  and  stubborn  that  I 
despaired  of  mercy  at  his  hand.  My  mind  was  now  led 
back  to  my  former  days,  when  the  Spirit  of  the  Lord 
strove  with  n^? — i  saw  I  might  have  had  religion  then,  but 
now,  there  was  no  mercy  for  me — for  I  had  sinned  away 
my  day  of  grace.     The  enemy  said  that  God  was  unjust, 

3* 


'  1:1 


•H 


r'ii 


;»'! 


30 

and  would  not  forgive  my  sins,  because  I  had  sinned  sc 
long,  and  I  must  go  to  hell,  and    had  better  put  an  end  tc 
my  existence  and  know  the  worst  of  my  case.     Ahhoughl 
saw  the  justice  of  God  in  condenming  me,   yet   I   was  noi 
willing  to  be  miserable  forever.     1    felt  dejected,  and  cast 
down,  and  forsaken,   and  I  wept  before  the  Lord.     I  was 
burdened,  on  account  of  my  sins ;  and  when  I  walked  out 
it  seemed  as  if  the    earth    would   sink  under   me,  and  1 
should  go  down   to  darkness   and  sorrow   to   receive  the 
punishment  due  that  my  crimes  had  merited — the   worst 
person  then  living  was  better  than  I  was ;  I  went  mourn- 
ing from  day  to  day,  without  any  light  of  the  Son,  to  cheer 
the  dungeon  of  my  sou! ;  pride,  unbelief,  self-will,  all  com- 
bined to  keep  me  from  the  Saviour  of  sinners.     I   doubted 
his  power   to  save    me,  such  a   vile   sinnei  as  I  was;  I 
attended  the  meetings,  and  class,  and  from  tha'  dear  people 
I  was  encouraged  to  press  forward  and  obtain  my  object, 
the  salvation  of  my  soul.     But  when  I  was  alone,  my  mind 
was  filled  whh  temptations  and  doubts  and  fears.     I  felt  like 
a  sinner  justly  condemned  before  God  ;  I  thought  that  if  I 
should  feel  this  distress  for  years,  and  then  if  God  should 
pardon  me,  It  would  be  an  act  of  greai  mercy.     I  read  my 
bible  and    prayed,  and   my  distress   increased  daily ;  my 
appetite  forsook  me ;  I  wished  for  no  kind  of  food  whatever. 
And  at  night  I  was  sleepless,  and  I  had  striven  to  make 
myself  belter  by  the  works  of  the  law — but  that  increased 
my  pain  the  more. 

The  verse  of  a  hymn  came  to  me — *  I  can  but  perish  if 
I  go  ;  I  am  resolved  to  try — for  if  I  stay  away,  I  know  I 
shall  forever  die.'  I  was  resolved  to  seek  Jesus  while  I 
lived,  and  if  I  perished,  to  perish  at  his  feet.  My  distress 
rolled  on,  I  could  not  work.  [  conld  find  no  religion  in 
reading  or  praying ;  1  took  my  bible  one  afternoon,  not 
knowing  where  I  was  a  going  ;  and  it  was  rainy,  so  I  thought 
I  would  stay  until  I  found  mercy,  if  mercy  could  be  found. 
Tiie  Lord  led  me,  for  I  never  had  been  there  before — for 
it  was  a  complete  shelter  from  the  rain  that  was  then  fall- 
ing. It  was  amongst  the  rocks  ;  I  spent  the  afternoon  in 
reading,  meditation  and  prayer — hoping,  believing  and 
doubting,  I  stayed  there  until  it  began  to  grow  dark ;  b^iforo 


irteft  the 

fesus  had 

my  ■]U3nn| 

Whenf 

read ;  sc 

that  I  Of 

bad  rect 

bowed  H 

trere  apj 

me  hmi^ 

might  Vi| 

flow  opj 

to  me 

was  ninj 
kiUed. 
redeer 
bell  we 
lines  oi 

My  ^^ 
I  felt  i 

cbang 

lr( 

in  tbt 
when 
crea' 
I  sa 

•■1-     upi 

■#     en( 

the 

bre 

wh 

go 
de 

*       di' 
n( 

ar         tc 


I'  'jad  sinned  ,. 
F*  put  an  end  u 
M«.    Aithoughf 

leered    an'd'  ""' 
«^u    and  casi 

'^^^  'ne,  and  J 
•/°  ''eceive  the 
'^««— the   worst 

rV^ent  mourn, 
e  Son,  ro  cheer 

f-w"«,  all  com. 

^®*    J  doubted 
''  ^j  '  was,-  I 
If^  dear  peop/e 
'"  '"r  object, 
°"e,  my  mind 

•"g/it  that  if  I 

'  God  should 

^-     f  read  my 
f/aiiy;  4 

^od  whatever, 
■'^en  to  make 
'at  increased 

^"t  perish  if 
Yi  J  know  I 
jsus  while  / 

%  distress 

•"e^'gion  in 
i-noon,  not 
o  i  thought 

oe  found. 

efore— -for 

'  then  /aJi,  * 

ernoon  in 

^''ng    and 

k;  before 


31 

tleft  the  place  I  found  some  relief.     I  had  some  faith  that 

Jbsus  had  died  to  redeem  my  soul,  and  had  risen  again  for 

ipy  justification. 

When  I  got  home,  it  was  so  dark  that  I  could  not  see  to 

read  ;  so  I  took  my  bible  and  a  lamp,  and  the  first  chapter 

that  I  opened  to  was  John  xix.  30  :  '  When  Jesus  therefore 

had  received  the  vinegar,  he  said.  It  is  finished ;  and  he 

bowed  his  head  and  gave  up  the   ghost.'     These    words 

irere  applied  to  my  heart — it  seemed  as  .f  Jesus  spake  to 

jne  himself,  and  said,  '  All  this  I  suffered  for  you,  that  you 

might  live  with  me  in  heaven.'     The  plan  of  salvation  was 

now  opened  to  my  view.     The  Son  of  God  was  revealed 

to  me  by  faith,  in  all  his  offices,  as  prophet,   priest,  and 

king.     With  pleasing  grief  and  mournful  joy,  my  spirit  now 

was  filled;  that  I  had  such  a  life  destroyed,  yet  live  by  him  I 

killed.     I  wept  and   grieved  because  Jesus  had  died  to 

redeem  so  vile  a  wretch  as  I.     My  load  of  sin  and  fear  of 

hell  were  gone  ;  and  then  I  was  forcibly  struck  with  these 

lines  of  the  poet : 

:j^  *  Come  mourning  souls,  dry  up  your  tears, 

And  banisli  all  your  guilty  fears.' 

My  burden  of  sin  now  left  me  ;  my  tears  were  dried  up. 
I  felt  a  sweet  peace  in  my  soul,  but  did  not  think  this  a 
change  of  heart. 

I  retired  to  rest,  and  there  was  a  great  calm.  I  awoke 
in  the  morning,  and  my  soul  was  drawn  out  after  God ;  and 
when  I  arose  and  looked  around  me  upon  the  works  of 
creation,  everythihg  wore  a  different  aspect;  everything 
I  saw  praised  God  ;  and  I  felt  as  if  1  had  long  been  shut 
up  in  prison — my  bonds  were  loosed,  my  chains  were  fall- 
en off,  and  1  was  set  at  liberty.  I  wanted  to  proclaim  to 
the  wliole  world  what  God  had  done  for  my  soul,  and  to  my 
brethren  and  to  my  young  mates,  how  happy  1  was,  and 
what  a  dear  Saviour  I  had  found.  I  thought  that  I  would 
go  and  publish  it  without  delay ;  but  I  was  ignorant  of  the 
devices  of  Satan.  He  very  readily  informed  me  that  if  I 
did,  nobody  would  believe  me.  I  listened  to  him,  and  went 
not.  I  have  been  sorry  ever  since,  that  I  was  not  obedient 
to  the  heavenly  vision  ;  I  thought  that  if  a  soul  had  been 
once  cleansed  from  sin,  that  doubts  and  fears  and  darkness 


I 


i 


;'i'i; 


ii'  ■■;i 

1-       ! 


Kli- 


T:(  I 


32 


would  never  return  to  trouble  that  soul  any  more — but  in 
this  I  was  mistaken,  for  they  soon  returned.  On  Sabbaih 
morning,  May,  1813,  I  went  to  meeting  as  usual,  but  my 
mind  was  filled  with  darkness  and  unbelief.  After  preach- 
ing,  we  had  a  class  for  the  dear  children  of  God  to  relate 
the  exercises  of  their  minds;  and  while  they  were  relating 
theirs,  I  felt  encouraged  to  press  forward,  for  some  of  them 
spoke  the  feelings  of  my  heart.  But  I  did  not  tell  them 
the  exercises  of  mine ;  and  when  they  asked  me,  I  told 
them  I  did  not  feel  such  a  burden ;  and  felt  determined  to 
persevere. 

They  gave  me  their  pious  admonitions,  and  I  praised  God 
for  such  a  privilege  to  meet  with  his  dear  children.  At  the 
close  of  the  meeting  the  preacher  prayed  earnestly  for  me. 
The  Lord  heard  and  answered  prayer,  to  the  joy  of  my 
soul — for  1  felt  peace  with  God  through  our  Lord  Jesus 
Christ,  and  wanted  to  praise  him  aloud ;  but  aaain,  I  griev- 
ed the  Holy  Spirit  of  God,  and  hid  my  talent  in  the  earth, 
but  they  rejoiced  and  I  kept  silent — well  might  it  be  said, 
that  the  fear  of  man  bringeth  a  snare.  I  felt  a  love  for  the 
dear  people  of  God,  and  could  join  with  them  in  worship, 
but  did  not  believe  that  God  had  converted  me  into  his 
grace.  I  returned  home  praising  God,  but  was  afraid  that 
some  one  would  hear  me.  I  sung  a  verse  of  an  hymn 
called  the  good  Shepherd  : 


'  Come,  good  Lord,  with  courage  arm  us ; 
Persecution  rages  iiere — 
Nothing,  Lord,  we  know  can  harm  us, 
While  our  Shepherd  is  so  near. 
Glor^,  glory  be  to  Jesus, 
At  his  name  our  hearts  doth  leap  ; 
He  both  comforts  us  and  frees  us, 
The  good  Shepherd  feeds  his  sheep.' 


The  last  part  of  the  verses  spoke  the  sentiments  of  my 
heart.  When  I  got  home,  I  had  a  cross  to  take  up,  to  con- 
fess to  my  mother.  And  the  Lord  gave  me  strength  to  do 
my  duty ;  and  after  I  had  prayed  with  them,  there  was 
great  peace  that  overspread  my  soul.  I  lived  fearing  and 
doubting  until  the  next  Thursday.  And  then,  I  visited  my 
brethren  where  we  had  a  prayer  meeting — and  then  I  strove 
to  tell  them  what  the  Lord  had  done  for  my  soul.  So  I 
lived  along  from  one  worship  to  another,  and  the  old  saints 


5 re  instrur 

The  beai 

jtunibVtnS  >1 

move    forwl 

•bovAd  havcj 

cradle  ot  cl 

that  after  a| 

7e\\  '^s  bil 

tre  apt  '^| 

instrucievsl 

Had  they  I 

been  ViUe 

tublle  foe| 

o(  vhe  fru 

because  \\ 

not  beH 

is  to  be  V 

charms,' 

But,  V 

odists,  I 

me  to  b 

obtain  a 

ed  the 

they  P 

salvaii^ 

the  pT 

expec 

found 

things 
I       I  trie 

I        oflEe« 

with 

*    Chr 

%    mas 

ofV 

-^M    pel 


r  more— but  in 

On  Sabbaih 

usual,  but  iny 

Alter  preach. 

God  to  relate 

were  relating 

some  of  tlieiTi 

not  tell  them 

ed  me,  I  told 

Jetermined  to 

f  praised  God 
'ren.     At  the 
^estly  for  me. 
^  joy  of  my 
Lord  Jesus 
iain,  I  griev- 
in  the  earth, 
It  it  be  said, 
love  for  the 
in  worship, 
me  into  his 
s  afraid  that 
f  an  hyma 


nts  of  my 
ip,  to  con- 
ngth  to  do 
there  was 
faring  and 
I'isited  my 
-n  I  strove 
ul.  So  I 
old  saints 


^  33 

2«  after  a  soul  was  once  """J^^'  '"  ht  me  diffefenl  as 
t  Ker'''*<'"S''  "'"""'''  °ka^dfe2  minds  like  min. 
tf  a  his  Spirit.  B"'«'«»^„'™i  praise  God  for  pious 
Tre  aP'  '»  "«  '*''.  'T^i , he  way  «Sd  bade  rae  persevere. 
S:,ru'cters,  tha,  P"'f  ^nl  nolub.  .hat  I  should  have 
Had  they  taught  me  dittereni,  u  deceived  by  the 

?ee„te  Mmher Eve    who  w     =0  much^^^  ^^^  ^ 

iubile  foe-as  you  k"""  'hat  aHer  ^  ^^         „„«, 

of  .he  fruit  of  the  rt"  "'""'b,^  Sa.an  .old  her  .t  would 
because  it  would  be  death.     o>  thousands;  antl  .t 

?l''rfrd"toorn;  Sive  way  to  his  «atte„ns 
tZmVlA  ruin  their  own  souls.  ^j,^  Me.h- 

"'b"  'friends>t  them  -^jX  w  Cm-for  they  taught 
odists,  I  bless  God  "'at  1;'"  ™f  „  ^ivation,  in  order  to 
„e  to  believe  in  a  P'^^f ".»"«'  I„  June,  1813,  I  jom- 
T,.,in  a  crown  of  everlasting  hie.     ii  doctrines  that 

fdTe  society,  and  by  this  P7  ^;,  "}  J/,  of  God  unto 
■    .  the  '  preach/d,  I  foun.l  .t  '^,^,^1  jofned  the  Me.hod.s.s 
.alvatL  to  my  poor  =°»'^„,^;^„"„;  ^he  cost  -,  that  1  must 
'he  preacher  told  me  J  »"«  «""'    ^     ,„,a  about  me.     I 
.        ex pe'ct  a  great  n'-Lf;Xts.^:„  began  ,0  -cuse  me  of 
found  it  even  so.    The  ^l^^^  never  even  had  thought  ot. 
ttoRs  that  1  had  done  which  I  never  ^^^^^  ,o,d  of 

1  S  by  the  aid  of  Heaven  «»  k?«P  *„  ,,,at  1  had  peace 
otoce  b'efore  God  and  man  ;  for  U-^.„  ,^^       jly    .n 

•.K  Wun      It   IS  said    tnai      **  „    .        called  the 

Srist  Jesus  shall  suffer  persec"""-  ^  more  will  they 
',     mteUf  the  house  Beelzebub  how  ^ 

of  his  househoU       So  1    esolve^^^  J  ^  ^^^  ^^^^  ^„,  ,,^^„ 

persevere,  and  give  up  a 


^4f 


•i''i;, 
M 


31 

m 


34 


(Ufl 


Christ  through  evil  report  ns  well  ns  good — for  they  tha  gjjld  it  ^"* 
followed  Jesus  should  not  walk  in  darkness,  but  have  tli(  V  coniess 
light  of  life.  PSi""'^    la 

In  July,  myself  and  three  other  candidates  were  baptizec    ^sness.        J^^ 
by  inninersion  by  Elder  Joel  Winch,  Salem,  Conn.  Truly  ilie     gtlain'.iVjlc,  i 


th« 


ordinance  was  blessed  to  me ;  it  was  a  Inniven  below  ;  a 
paradise  indeed  to  my  soul.  I  had  such  love,  joy,  and 
peace,  that  1  thought  that  I  never  should  doubt  again — but 
in  this  I  was  mistaken  ;  for  it  was  not  long  before  I  doubled. 

About  August  I  went  to  camp  meeting,  hoping  and  pray- 
ing that  God  would  meet  me  thctre.  I  enjoyed  myself  well 
at  the  first  of  the  meeting,  but  God  had  greater  joy  laid  up 
for  me.  1  tried  in  my  weak  way  to  exhort  sinners,  and  to 
be  faithful  to  seek  the  salvation  of  their  souls. 

One  day  upon  the  camp  gromid,  there  was  a  light  from 
heaven  shone  into  my  soul,  above  the  brightness  of  the  sun. 
I  lost  sight  of  all  earthly  things — heaven  was  opened  to  my 
view,  and  the  glory  of  the  upper  world  beamed  upon  my 
soul.  My  body  of  clay  was  all  that  hindered  my  flying  up 
to  meet  Jesus  in  the  air.  How  long  I  remained  in  this 
happy  frame  of  mind,  I  do  not  know.  But  when  1  came 
to  my  rccoUeciion,  my  christian  friends  were  around  me, 
singing  the  sweet  songs  of  heaven  ;  and  I  thought  I  was  in 
the  suburbs  of  glory.  And  when  I  saw  them,  they  looked 
like  angels,  for  they  were  praising  God.  I  felt  the  love  of 
God  like  a  river  flowing  into  my  soul.  From  that  time 
until  the  close  of  the  meeting,  I  was  happy.  I  now  returned 
home  rejoicing  in  God  my  Saviour.  1  thought  that  I  never 
should  be  troubled  with  doubts  and  fears — but  I  was  mista- 
ken as  before.  The  enemy  of  my  soul  tempted  me  and  I 
again  gave  way,  and  Uke  Sampson  1  lost  all  my  strength, 
and  I  doubled  of  God's  pover  to  save  me. 

There  was  much  said  about  sanctification,  amongst  our 
Methodist  brethren — they  said  il  was  possible  for  God  to 
cleanse  us  from  all  sin,  and  urged  the  members  of  our 
church  to  seek  it  and  not  rest  short  of  it, — whilst  others 
opposed  il,  and  said  it  was  impossible  to  live  without  sin,  in 
this  life,  and  to  be  cleansed  from  all  unrighteousness,  boldly 
denying  the  power  and  efficacy  of  his  blood.  I  was  weak 
and  unbelieving,  and  finally  doubted  it  myself,  although  I 


I 

muc 


ou{;\»t  ^"  ^'1 
^1  ^lace  ai 

I  prayed  d| 

me  the  Nvay  \ 

5;,nc  to  coim 


bo^y 


\cc 


God  was  ! 
VioVinebS,  uji 
1  irou^  w 
tbe  Lord  b 
not  U)  stop 
I  went  to  ' 
God  mani 
altbatti»n 
be\ow  :  I' 
through  e 
from  <he 
me  av\se 

was  -A^^^ 
ibroufeh 

al  \asl  J 

nvom'is* 

iuU  rei^ 

the  wo 

lav 

powei 

and  tl 

demy 

K      own 

I      desp 

^      ing' 

and 


Mow;  a 

rs  and  pray. 
V'>'se//'  win 

'"^''s,  and  to 

'^  %''^  Trom 
I  °^  ;''e  sun. 
n^d  to  ,ny 
r^  "/>on  ,ny 

r^  "1  t/ni 
''«"  i  caiTie 
around  me, 
f"^  ^  ivas  in 
;ey  looked 
'"e  /ore  of 
'''at  time 
^  returned 
at  i  nev^er 
as  mista- 
ke and  r 
strength, 

^g5t  our 
God  to 
or  our 
others 
s'n,  m  - 

bo/diy 

'  weak 
ugh  I 


fid  it  was  the  will  of  God,  even  our  sanclificaiion — and  if 
confess  our  sins,  jje  is  faiihful  and  just  to  forgive  our 
s,  iuid  thu  Itlood  of  Jfsiis  cleanses  us  from  all  uiniglite- 
^sness.  1  asked  the  Lord,  in  humble  prayer,  if  this  was 
attainable,  and  to  show  nic  what  1  am  by  nature,  and  what 
I  ought  to  be  by  v  iice — for  1  was  sure  that  1  wanted  aB 
much  grace  as  any  body  in  the  world,  to  get  through  it. 

I  prayed  daily  for  the  Lord  to  enlighten  me,  and  teach 
jne  the  way  ;  for  I  wished  to  lay  a  sure  foundation  for  tho 
limine  to  rorne.  1  continued  my  petition  about  one  month — 
jPie  Lord  heard  and  answered  my  prayer,  and  opened  my 
.^yes,  and  1  saw  if,  1  was  not  fully  saved  from  sin, and  made 
holy,  1  could  never  enter  into  the  kingdom  of  God — for 
God  was  hfjiy,  and  heaven  was  a  holy  place,  and  without 
holiness,  no  man  should  see  the  Lord. 

I  from  that  time  read  my  bible  more  diligently,  and  sought 
the  Lord  by  fasting  and  prayer — with  a  full  determination 
not  to  stop  short  of  full  redemption  in  the  blood  of  Christ. 
I  went  to  a  quarterly  meeting  in  Goion,  (Conn.)  and  there 
God  manifested  himself  to  me  in  such  a  powerful  manner 
at  that  time,  I  fell  prostrate  upon  the  floor,  insensible  to  all 
below  :  the  last  time  I  fell,  I  felt  the  blood  of  Jesus  go 
through  every  avenue  of  the  soul  and  body — cleansing  me 
from  the  filthiness  of  the  flesh  and  spirit.  The  Spirit  bade 
me  arise  and  tell  what  God  had  done  for  my  soul ;  but  I 
was  again  disobedient.  After  that,  I  was  almost  in  despair, 
through  unbelief.  I  struggled  in  darkness  for  some  time  : 
at  last  a  divine  ray  of  light  broke  into  my  soul.  I  then 
promised  the  Lord  if  he  would  give  me  the  evidence  of 
full  redemption  in  my  heart,  that  1  would  proclaim  it  to  all 
the  woriti,  come  what  would. 

I  attended  a  camp-meeting,  at  Wilbraham,  Mass.  The 
power  of  the  Lord  was  manifested  in  a  wonderful  manner, 
and  there  was  a  general  cry  amongst  believers,  for  full  re- 
demption in  the  blood  of  Jesus — and  I  felt  theory  in  my 
own  heart.  I  prayed,  and  cried,  and  struggled,  and  almost 
despaired  of  obtaining  my  object.  But  before  the  meet- 
ing closed,  God  in  Christ  showed  himself  mighty  to  save, 
and  strong  to  deliver.  1  fell  the  mighty  power  of  God 
again,  like  electric  fire  go  through  every  part  of  me — cleans- 


r;„:^> 


36 

ing  me  throughout  soul,  flesh  and  spirit.  I  felt  now  that] 
was  puriBed,  sanctified  and  justified.  I  had  no  fears.  I  could 
now  shout  victory  through  the  blood  of  the  Lamb,  ^'lie 
words  of  the  poet  would  best  express  my  feelings  : 

'  That  sacred  awe — that  durst  not  move, 
All  the  silent  heaven  of  love.' 

From  that  time  until  now,  I  have  never  doubted  the  pow- 
er of  God,  to  save  all  who  by  faith  would  come  unto  him — 
that  is  about  seventeen  years  ago  ;  and  I  find  him  still  the 
tame  unchangeable,  blessed  Saviour.  His  mercy  always 
full  and  boundless  as  the  ocean.  I  find  it  as  good  to  my 
soul  now,  as  it  was  then  ;  yea,  I  can  say  that  it  grows  bright- 
er and  brighter,  and  do  expect  it  will,  even  to  the  perfect 
day,  if  I  am  faithful.  Then  through  the  merits  of  Jesus, 
I  expect  to  hear  the  welcome  sound,  '  Come,  ye  blessed 
of  my  Father,  inherit  the  kingdom  prepared  for  you  from 
the  foundation  of  the  world  ; '  where  all  tears  shall  be 
wiped  away  from  our  eyes,  and  there  with  the  happy  throng 
shout,  and  sing  our  sufferings  over,  around  the  throne  of 
God.  Then  1  should  behold  that  great  and  innumerable 
company, '  that  came  oL?t  of  great  tribulation,  and  washed 
their  robes,  and  made  them  clean  and  white  in  the  blood  of 
the  Lamb,'  and  have  overcome,  through  the  word  of  his 
testimony.  There  we  shall  be  at  rest,  and  the  wicked  shall 
cease  from  troubling  us.  Glory  fills  my  soul  while  1  med- 
itate upon  the  moment,  when,  through  grace,  1  shall  unite 
with  them  there. 

I  have  now  given  you  a  sketch  of  the  dealings  of  God 
with  one  of  his  most  unworthy  creatures.  1  am  a  spared 
monument  of  his  mercy  ;  and  through  his  rich  grace  1  hope 
to  stand  fast,  until  he  takes  me  from  time,  to  enter  into  his 
heavenly  kingdom.  May  this  be  the  happy  lot  of  us  all, 
is  the  prayer  of  your  unworthy  writer, 

Mart  Apei. 


'Jt  now  tlm  I 
^ears.  Jco„](i 
^amb.      -  .|,g 
lings  : 


THB 


•ted  the  povv- 

.  ^'"J  stiii  ihe 

ercy  aJways 

P  good  to  my 

;rows  bright- 

,!  '''e  perfect 

f 's  of  Jesus^ 

/>  ye  blessed 
r  ^'ou  from 
r^  shall  he 
my  ihrong 
Pe  throne  of 
nnamerabJe 
"nd  washed 
^^e  b/ood  of 
«:ord  of  his 
yked  shall 
''e  I  med- 
5^a/J  unite 

s  of  God 
a  spared 
^®  1  hope 
•  into  his 
f  us  aW, 


EXPERIENCE 


OP 


HANNAH    CALEB. 


BY   THE   MISSIONARY. 


I  WAS  born  in  Groton,  Conn.  My  mother  died  when 
I  was  about  six  years  old — her  dying  request  was,  that  I 
might  be  placed  amongst  educated  people,  who  would  teach 
nie  to  read  God's  holy  word.  I  accordingly  was  placed  in 
a  white  family,  to  be  brought  up.  The  gentleman's  name, 
with  whom  1  was  placed,  was  Mr.  James  Avery,  where  I 
continued  twelve  years.  They  were  a  pious  people,  and 
by  them  I  was  instructed  in  the  paths  of  virtue.  But  how 
much  I  have  to  regret  that  I  did  not  take  heed  to  my  ways 
and  in  the  days  of  my  youth,  seek  the  salvation  of  my  soul 
—then  I  should  have  been  prepared  to  meet  those  troubles 
and  trials  which  are  incident  to  human  life.  But  oh  !  how 
dark  and  dreary  is  the  world  without  the  sun  !  so  is  the  way 
of  sinners  without  the  Sun  of  righteousness,  to  cheer  and 
light  up  their  dark  and  gloomy  paths,  through  this  wilder- 
ness world.  But  let  us  return — at  the  age  of  nineteen  years 
1  was  married,  and  had  ultimately  five  children.  My  hus- 
band was  a  soldier  in  the  French  army,  and  died  in  Cana- 
da— and  with  this  trial,  1  met  with  many  more — the  loss  of 
all  my  dear  children.  And  when  the  bosom  friend,  the 
darling  of  all  my  earthly  career  was  gone,  with  whom  I 

4 


/ 


3d 


should  no  more  associate  in  time,  it  was  almost  to% 
much  for  me  to  bear :  but  oh  I  when  I  turned  to  look  for 
my  children,  at  the  seats  and  the  table  that  they  once  sur- 
rounded, and  at  their  pillows,  which  1  had  watched  over 
with  the  affection  of  a  fond  mother,  and  had  often  pressed 
them  to  my  breast,  while  tears  fell  like  rain  from  their  spark- 
ling eyes  upon  my  bosom,  and  had  strove  to  hush  them ! 
But  behold,  they  were  no  more  ;  but  all  of  them  locked 
up  in  the  cold  caverns  of  the  earth  ;  and  I,  their  faces  no 
more  to  behold  in  time — they  were  fled  to  the  world  of 
spirits,  to  Him  who  had  created  them. 

Thus  my  husbsnd  was  gone — the  darling  of  my  heart — 
with  my  babes,  the  sweet  objects  of  my  care  :  thus,  being 
stripped  of  my  earthly  glory,  I  was  left  naked  and  wounded. 
I  now  became  alarmed  about  my  future  welfare — for  the 
Lord  was  at  this  time  pleased  to  discover  to  me  the  lost  con- 
dition of  my  poor  soul.      My  conviction  of  sin  was  severe, 
but  notwithstanding  this,  I   was  indifferent — not  knowing 
how  to  help  myself;  but  the  anguish  of  my  soul  which  I 
felt,  no  tongue  can  tell — for  it  was  keen  and  pungent ;  and 
withal  1  ielt  a  great  enmity  to  the  christian  religion,  often 
wishing,  in  the  deprsvjty  of  my  heart,  1  had  been  left  like 
the  rest  of  my  kindred,  ignorant  and  unknown.     This  may 
be  surprising  to  some,  but  1  can  assure  you  there  was  a 
cause  for  this.      !  saw  such  a  great  inconsistency  in  their 
precepts  and  examples,  that  1  could  not  believe  them.  They 
openly  professed  to  love  one  another,  as  christians,  and  ev- 
ery people  of  all  nations  whom  God  hath  made — and  yet 
they  would  backbite  each  other,  and  quarrel  with  one  an- 
other, and  would  not  so  much  as  eat  and  drink  together, 
oor  worship  God  together.      And  not  only  so,  the  poor  In- 
dians, the  poor  Indians,  the  people  to  whom  I  was  wedded 
by  the  common  ties  of  nature,  were  set  at  nought  by  those 
noble  professors  of  grace,  merely  because  we  were  Indians 
— and  I  had  to  bear  a  part  with  them,  being  of  the  same 
coin;  \»hen  in  fact,  \^itb  the  same  abilities,  with  a  white 
skin,  I  should  have  been  looked  upon  with  honor  and  re- 
spect. 

But  it  is  a  fact,  that  whites,  with  the  same  principle 
would  turn  against  their  own  kin,  if  the  providence  of  God 


'■j^ 


l6V)«\abave 

flesh  and  t>i1 
'  or  how  woul 
have  been 
ced  beyond 

distress  anl 
rid  inconsj 
mark  herel 
to  jud^e  r 
were  nior 
feeVings^N 
they  did 
.\ude;e- 
**    BwW 
-mercy  tt 
made  be 
another. 

do  to  ^J 

to  the  \ 

Jesus  ^ 

chief  t 

find  n« 

.tween 

God  5 

aUgo 

objec 

gest€ 

was. 


a/most  to» 

*o  iook  for 

fy  once  SUN  -| 

J?tciied  over  I 

f 'en  pressed  I 
rneirsparif.  ^ 

'^"sh  them ! 

^em  locked 

BT  faces  no 

pe  worid  of 

'J'  hearts- 
f^us,  being 
'  bounded. 
■®^^or  the    ' 
eiostcon- 
/as  severe, 
i^  iinowW 
H  which  J 
fsent;  and 
S'on,  often 
'«  Je/t  hke 
■^^I'siDay 
'^e  was  a 
y  ^'n  iheif 
iJ-  The^ 
and  ev- 
-and  yet 
one  an- 

'gether, 
'oor  Jn. 

redded 
y  those 
nd/ans 
same 
whifa 
idre- 

cip/e 
God 


89 

rflrould  have  happened  to  change  the  shades  of  tiieir  com- 
[piexion,  although  the  same  flesh  and  feelings.  How  must 
I  feel,  possessing  the  same  powers  of  mind,  with  the  same 
'flesh  and  hlood,  and  all  we  differed,  was  merely  in  looks  ? 
or  how  would  you  feel  ?  Judge  ye.  Tliough  you  never 
have  been  thrust  out  of  society,  and  set  at  nought,  and  pla- 
ced beyond  the  notice  of  all,  and  hissed  at  as  we  have  been 

and  I  pray  God  you  never  may  be.      These  pictures  of 

distress  and  shame  were  enough  to  make  me  cry  out,  O  hor- 
rid inconsistency — who  would  be  a  christian  ?  But  I  re- 
mark here,  that  I  did  not  understand  frail  nature  as  I  oughi, 
-to  judge  rightly.  1  would  remark  here,  th»t  these  feelings 
were  more  peculiar  TO  years  ago,  than  now — what  their 
feelings  would  be  now,  if  the  Indians  owned  as  much  land  as 
they  did  then,  1  cannot  say.     I  leave  the  man  of  avarice  to 

jude;e- 

But  we  observe  further — the  Lord  was  pleased  m  great 

mercy  to  continue  the  work  of  grace  upon  my  heart — so  1 
made  bold  to  inquire  by  going  from  one  christian  friend  to 
-another,  asking  questions  about  the  way,  and  what  1  must 
do  to  be  saved.     They  all  said  that  I  must  pray,  and  look 
to  the  Lord  as  my  Saviour  and  friend.     They  told  me  that 
Jesus  Christ  died  for  sinners,   even  such  as  I,  who  was  the 
chief  of  sinners.     This  encouraged  me  to  pray,  but  1  could 
ifind  no  comfort  in  so  doing.     I  continued  almost  a  year  be- 
.tween  hope  and  despair,  wretched  and  miserable  ;  without 
God  and  without  hope  in  the  world.     The  grand  enemy  of 
all  good,  strove  to  decoy  my  mind  away  from  my  desired 
object,  and  had  well  nigh  effected  his  scheme,  for  he  sug- 
gested to  me  that  there  was  no  mercy  for  such  sinners  as  I 
was.     I  used  to  roam  whole  days  in  my  native  forest,  weep- 
in?;  and  wailing  on  account  of  my  sins — seeking  the  Saviour 
of  sinners — friendless,  as  I  thought^  upitied  and   unknown. 
As  I  was  walking  by  the  side  of  a  large  pond,  the  enemy 
whispered  to  me  to  throw  myself  in  and  there  end  my  day« 
of  sorrow  and  affliction.     I  was  quick  to  obey.    I  got  upon 
a  log  for  that  purpose — but  a  voice  seemed  to  say  to  me, 
*  Hannah,  my  mercy  is  as  free   for  thee  as  tliis  water,    and 
^boundless  as  the  ocean.'     The  tempter  fled  ;  my  mind  was 
<caUii,  and  I  returned  home,  thinking  that  my  distress  would 


'1 


i^nl 


40 

return  no  more — but  in  this  I  was  disappointed  :  soon  all 
my  doubts  returned,  and  I  could  say  with  Job,  *Thou  hast 
shaken  me  to  pieces ;  all  my  bones  are  out  of  joint.'  I  was 
very  weak — eating  but  just  enough  to  keep  soul  and  body 
united  ;  often  sleeping  on  the  cold  ground,  and  frequently 
not  closing  my  eyes  for  nights  together.  However,  1  some- 
times took  great  comfort  in  visiting  the  dear  children  of 
God ;  some  of  whom  I  went  many  miles  to  see,  and  hear 
them  converse  and  pray  for  me.  They  pitied  me,  and  strove 
to  comfort  me,  but  all  in  vain. 

I  went  out  one  evening,  thinking  that  I  should  not  return 
any  more,  to  behold  my  kindred  in  the  flesh,  or  see  the 
morning  dawn — and  there  1  prostrated  myself  before  God, 
and  lifted  up  my  hands  to  heaven,  and,  in  the  language  of 
parting  friends,  I  hade  farewell  to  the  moon,  to  the  stars, 
and  all  creation — this  earthly  vision  no  more  to  behold  in 
time.  But  withal,  I  prayed  that  if  it  was  God's  will  I  might 
live  a  while  longer — for  I  was  not  ready  to  die — and  see 
those  praying  people,  and  hear  one  more  prayer  for  my 
perishing  soul,  that  I  might  be  saved  from  hell,  and  ever- 
lasting destruction,  from  the  presence  of  God,  and  the  glo- 
ry of  his  power  forever :  for  surely  I  thought  it  would  be 
the  place  of  my  abode  forever.  But  the  Lord  heard  pray- 
er and  spared  me — and  when  the  morning  beamed  forth, 
ard  my  eyes  caught  her  rising,  1  exclaimed,  O  that  I  might 
hjar  one  more  prayer  for  my  poor  soul.  But  it  was  sug- 
gested to  me  that  christians  could  not  help  me.  I  then  turn- 
ed from  the  world  and  the  prayers  of  the  saints  and  went 
into  the  wilderness  and  sat  myself  down,  and  I  had  an  im- 
pression that  I  must  sing.  1  thought.  How  could  I  sing  of 
redeeming  grace  and  dying  love  ?  O,  the  answer  waS; '  Sing, 
for  his  mercy  endureth  forever.'  I  must  praise  God  for  that 
— but  where  to  begin,  1  knew  not,  but  thought  I  would  try. 
So  I  began  this  way — Glory  to  God  the  Father,  glory  to  God 
the  Son,  glory  to  God  the  Holy  Ghost,  glory  to  God  alone. 
After  I  had  done  singing,  1  had  a  desire  to  pray  ;  but  I 
thought,  what  shall  I  say  ?  O,  1  am  a  poor  sinner.  Lord 
have  mercy  upon  me,  a  poor  sinner.  As  I  said  so,  glory 
seemed  to  bteak  in  upon  my  soul,  and  I  was  dissolved  into 
the  love  of  God,  apparently,  soul,  body  and  spirit.    The 


J-'- 


heavens  seen 

able  compan 

perfect.     .  * 

Viib  ibe  visi 

and  praise  t 

<;ompa«y'  ^ 

I     dying  K^®- 
i         i^y  s\ns 

^as  transp 

about  nvne 

{r'lends,  tb 

served, tb 

1  then  ret 

.an  a»»?.e\ 

an(\  tbe 

throne  o 

what  ibc 
Avbereve 

Surel 

hold  a^^ 
>more  ei 

as  n^y 
(\\ans  i 

And  c 

V  co«l 

w'ltne 

Ood; 
sky- 

ofs' 
t 

few 

-Ca 

vei 

X)f 

dc 
a 


^  soon  all 
^^lou  hast 
''•'  I  was 
land  body 
"•equently 
'*j  I  some- 
"idren  of 
[and  hear 
[nd  strove 


lot  return 
''•see  the 
^ore  God, 
'guage  of 
t'le  stars, 
»ehoId  in 
'I  I  might 
■and  see 

'r  for  tny 

jnd  ever- 

■  the  gio. 

vould  be 

'd  pray- 

'd  forth, 

1  might 

'as  sugw 

3n  turn- 

d  went 

an  im- 

sing  of 

or  that 
^d  try. 

3  God 
iione. 
but  I 
Lord 
;/ory 
into 
The 


i 


heavens  seemed  to  descend  and  wnh  Aem  a.  m™n,.j^,> 

ip?n';:a'S  the^rdersof  red^ming  grace,  and 

''''mITs  were  all  gone-1  felt  no  longer  their  burden.  I 
JlZi:::i  1 1?  were,  .0  the  third  *--  T  .s  wa, 
about  nine  o'clock  in  tl.e  morning.      Tims  ym.  see  my 

ItrthfCdhaJ  done  for  my  ^^'\.^J ^7' '"""'" 

hofd"aS.  a.  h  come  new  '     I  eo.  .^^^^^^^^^^^^^  ^ ° 
rro"r  'JZS:r^li:h!trchristians^,ov^  poor  in. 

f  "eou^^:;:t'iIlmIia?'  He  L  is  bLn  of  God.  has  the 

witness  In  himsslf.'  ,     cprvire  of  inv 

Thus  1  went  on  from  daj  to  /»/;  "j„^-  „"Sf„  '^ 

Z'  "o 'K  Wpy. S  -my soul ,  continually  full 

"'^Hrr^'tle^'ublisher  would  take  . '«"■'"" V/j.fS 
fewremarks.*^  Not  being  personally  "CT^'"'^-!  »  h^^ 
Caleb,  1  am  not  abl.  to  g.ve  her  age  am  ^f'^  «'  »^^  ™" 
version,  precisely.     But  bemg  furnished  -r^J^'^^fl'^Z 


tH 


42 


t'  I 


can  learn,  at  the  age  of  forty  years — and,  as  far  as  we  can 
learn,  she  lived  faithful  through  life.  Sister  Caleb  was  re- 
markable for  her  liberality,  so  that  she  not  only  had  the  pre- 
cept but  the  txample.  She  knew  no  sect  but  that  of  the 
Nazarenes — for  she  would  go  into  all  houses  of  worship 
and  exhort  sinners — and  eat  and  drink  at  the  Lord's  table 
wherever  it  was  spread,  to  show  forth  his  death  till  he 
come ;  though  she  herself  united  to  the  Free-will  Bap- 
tists, to  be  under  their  watchful  care. 

Sibter  Caleb  was  also  noted  by  all  sects,  to  be  an  exam- 
ple of  p\9}^ — to  all  the  world  she  was  useful  in  temporal 
matters,  such  as  teaching  the  young  children  of  her  tribe  to 
read,  while  at  other  times  she  would  instruct  them  and  oth- 
ers by  precept  and  example,  in  the  way  to  heaven  and 
happiness.  1  can  tell  you,  friends,  that  she  lived  in  the 
faith  of  the  gospel — and  thus  lived  and  died  our  good  sister 
in  the  Lord,  after  nearly  half  a  century  from  her  conversion. 
She  fell  asleep  in  the  arms  of  Jesus,  and  went  down  to  the 
grave  with  a  joyful  hope — big  with  immortality,  of  a  glori- 
ous resurrection  in  Christ  at  the  last  trump — while  her  soul 
Wis  wafted  upon  the  wings  of  angels  to  the  spirit  land,  to 
dwell  around  the  throne  of  God  forever  and  ever.  There 
her  trials  are  at  an  end,  there  she  dwells  in  seas  of  rest — 
while  before  her  waves  of  glory  roll,  and  shouts  of  glory 
echofrom  the  throne,  W.  A. 


we  can 
J  was  re- 
[tlie  pre- 
:  of  the 
Iworship 
"*s  table 
.  till  he 
[ill  Bap. 

exam- 
mporal 
tribe  to 
ind  oth- 
en  and 
in  the 
d  sister 

version. 

n  to  the 

a  glori- 

ler  soul 

'land,  to 

,  There 

'  rest — 

>f  glory 

.  A. 


THC 


EXPERIENCE 


or 


SALLY  GEORGE. 


,y  THE   MISSIONAKV. 


.        •   r.    .„„  rnnn  1779,  and  was  brought  up  with- 
I  WAS  born  mGroton,  Conn-  ni,  ^^^^^^.^  ^„y  „  y 

out  any  education,  as  to  «n'^"^;''"°   |  abound  us  who 

whatem.     And  ''''^""Sh  the.ejere  many  ^^_^^^^^ 

were  very  zealous  that  "«  ^"""''^  j„„e  towards  it-I  being 

brought  up  well,  yet  but  '"^J'»;''°"  ^nd  down  the  forest 
left  in  general  to  wander  to  and  fo,  up  ^^^  ^^^^ 

with  my   native  kin.     But  surety  inestimable 

praise  bod  for.     Al  hough  1  had  n  ^  ^^^        ^^^  j 

Privileges  that  some  had  »"f  '*°X*  j^e ;  there  are  many 
Ld  some  that  many  do  no  hw,  in  t       ,  ^^ 

of  my  brethren  who  <>o"ot  that  are  m  .^^  ^^^^_ 

ern  world.     For  they  ^o  «»'  ^"f  L ^J  ,„d  unknown,  yet 

ever.  While  poor  n"^'."!  '""f  S  ^^  hearing  God's  holy 
1  had  some  preoous  P^'^ees  '^.^c^>  ^  ^^^^,,^  „,oth- 
„ord,and  ha^ng  good  adv^e  ho  ^^^^^  ^„y 

er's  in  Israel.     And,  '»3  7^„  God-and  they  were 
beseech  of  me  to  be  ■■««°»'='X„'°n,ey   would  do  it  with 
those  of  my  own  km ;  »»__  ''''^^,^''  '^Sometimes  I  would 
streaming  eyes  and  meted  ^^"'^  „,ber times  1  would b. 
take  a  degree  of  interest  m  it,  ana  ai  u. 


L 


V-*ll 


.1' ■ 


44 

quite  indifferent  about  it — and  at  other  times  my  young 
mates  would  lead  me  a  >tray  with  their  rudeness,  being  only 
about  twelve  or  thirteen  years  old. 

1  continued  in  this  way  for  some  time,  between  hope  and 
despair ;  but  they  continued  to  call  after  me,  and  the  Holy 
Spirit  seconded  their  efforts  constantly,  and  often  it  was  so 
i)owerful  that  my  liltle  heart  would  melt  down  into  tender- 
ness, and  what  to  do  with  myself  I  knew  not.  I  felt  at 
times  melancholy  and  dejected  ;  but  notwithstanding  this,  I 
was  encouraged  by  many  to  seek  the  salvation  of  my  soul. 
But  it  was  hard  to  leave  tuy  young  mates  ;  yet  without 
religion  I  knew  that  I  must  be  miserable  and  wretched 
forever.  But  what  to  do  I  did  not  know,  and  how  to  pray 
I  knew  not.  1  wandered  up  and  down  in  the  forest,  weep- 
ing and  mourning  on  the  account  of  my  sins,  not  knowing 
that  I  ever  should  enjoy  happiness  either  in  time  or  eiornity. 
The  enemy  now  would  take  the  advantage  of  my  youthful 
mind,  and  suggest  to  me  that  there  was  no  happiness  for 
me — I  must  spend  all  the  rest  of  my  days  in  sorrow.  The 
enemy  of  my  soul  followed  hard  after  me,  and  withal 
tempted  me  to  destroy  myself. 

I  had  become  now  a  wanderer  alone,  as  it  were,  in  my 
native  woods ;  and  one  day  as  I  was  passing  by  :i  large 
deep  brook,  the  enemy  of  my  soul  tempted  me  to  destroy 
myself  in  that  place,  by  casting  myself  in.  But  I  strove 
to  raise  my  little  heart  to  God,  that  he  would  have  mercy 
upon  my  soul  and  save  me.  While  thus  exercised  in 
prayer  to  God  for  his  kind  protection,  1  fell  to  the  earth  as 
one  dead,  under  the  power  of  God.  And  while  in  this 
situation,  I  saw  the  pit  of  destruction  opened  for  poor  sin- 
ners ;  it  was  no  imagination  either — it  was  a  solemn  reality 
— it  was  plain  before  me.  My  soul  was  in  sore  distress, 
and  I  expected  nothing  but  hell  for  my  portion  forever.  I 
lay  in  this  situation  for  some  time  as  helpless  as  an  infant, 
begging  for  the  mercy  of  God, — promising  to  him  that  I 
would  be  faithful  to  serve  him  all  the  days  of  my  life.  The 
Lord  heard  prayer  and  sent  down  his  melting  grace  into  my 
soul ;  and  before  1  arose  from  the  ground  I  was  translated 
into  the  kingdom  of  God's  dear  Son.  For  when  I  came 
to  myself  I  was  praising  God — there  was  a  change  in  every- 


thing around 

aU  creation  f 

gone— the  l* 

right  mind' 
1  now  retj 

my  yo«"S  ;1 
my  way  wM 
to  the  chuy^ 
God  recei\ 
down  10  thj 
by  immevsj 
up  out  of 
ed  upor  n 
say  the  on 
many  deii 
work  a  wo 
a  man  dec 
the  Spirit 
way  of  h 
of  my  Sc 
ing  of  th. 
of  God-^ 
praise. 
c\iav'\ol  c 
aW  niy 
due  fov< 
I  rer 
Aunt  u 
had  wi 
ibat  sis 
other, 
andft 
in  th< 
manj 
that 
meK 
gav< 
atr 
3es 


45 


young 
|'>g  only 

'l>e  and 
t?  Holy 
was  so 

CgH  at 
this,  I 

]y  soul 

without 

fetclied 

5o  pray 

weep- 
I'ovving 
Wnity. 

uih/ul 

'ss  for 
The 
mthal 

in  my 

iarge 

istroy 

trove 

ercy 

d  in 

h  as 

this 

sin- 

lity 

iSS, 

I 

nt, 
tl 

•y 

d 
e 


thing  around  me — the  glory  of  the  Lord  shone  around, — 
all  creation  praised  God  ;  my  burden  and  my  fears  were 
gone — the  tempter  had  fled,  and  I  was  clothed  and  it,  my 
right  mind,  sitting  at  the  feet  of  Jesus. 

I  now  returned  home  to  my  friends,  and  began  to  exhort 
my  young  mates  to  repentance,  and  to  tell  all  that  came  in 
my  way  what  the  Lord  had  done  for  my  soul.    1  then  wenl 
to  the  church  and  told  it  there,  and  the   dear  children  of 
God  received    me.     I  then  with  a  servant  of  God  went 
down  to  the  banks  of  the  river  and  was  buried  with  Christ 
by  immersion  beneath  the  great  water — and  when  I  came 
up  out  of  the  water  the  glory  of  God  descended  and  light- 
ed upor  my  soul ;  and  so  1  could  rejoice  continually,  and 
say  the  one  hah  was  never  told  me  about  this  Jesus  whom 
many  deride. — ^  Behold  ye  despisers,  wonder  and  perish — / 
work  a  work  in  your  day  ye  shall  in  no  wise  believe,  though 
a  man  declare  it  unto  youJ'     And  although  I  could  not  read, 
the  Spirit  of  the  Lord  was  with  nie  to  instruct  me  in  the 
way  of  holiness,  and  upon  my  heart  was  pritited  the  image 
of  my  Saviour,  by  the  washing  of  regeneration  and  renew- 
ing of  the  Holy  Ghost.     My  soul  was  bathed  in  ine  love 
of  God — it  was  glory,  and  I  was  lost  in  wonder,  love  and 
praise.     I   forgot  all  things  here  below,  and  rode  in  the 
chaiiot  of  his  love  daily. — Bless  ihe  Lord,  O  my  soul,  and 
all   my  powers,  soul  and  body,  praise  him,  for  glory  is  his 
due  forever  and  ever.  Amen — so  let  it  be. 

[  remark  here  that  the  experience  of  this  female  was  an 
Aunt  upon  my  father's  side,  and  personal  acquaintance  've 
had  with  each  other.     She  belonged  to  the  same  chorch 
that  sister  Caleb  did,  and  they  were  well  acquamted  with  each 
other      She  was  a  member  of  the  church  about  thirty  years, 
and  for  the  most  of  the  time,  as  far  as  1  can  learn,  she  lived 
in  the  life  and  power  of  refusion.     1  have  attended  a  great 
many  meetings  with  sister  George,  and  I  do  not  recollect 
that  she  ever  had  a  barren  season  to  her  soul.     »lie  olten 
meted  out  to  my  soul  the  sincere  milk  of  the  word,  which 
cave  me  strength  in  the  Lord  to  persevere.     The  Lord  of 
I  truth  was  with  her.     She    was  always  diligent  to  seek 
Jesus  in  the  way.     Tlie  fences,  the  groves,  the  lorest,  aU 
Will  witness  to  the  fact. 


"M 


I 


m 


46 


'4 


Her  organic  power  of  communication  when  tuned  with 
heavenly  zeal,  and  burnt  with  heavenly  love,  was  delightful, 
charming  and  eloquent.  I  never  knew  her  to  speak  unless 
the  congregation  was  watered  by  an  overwhehning  flood  of 
tears.  She  feared  not  to  warn  sinners  to  repentance  while 
ihe  lived.  She  was  no  sectarian — she  would  go  amongst 
all  orders  of  christians  and  worship  God  with  them,  and 
was  entirely  free  so  to  do.  And  I  believe  that  she  felt  as 
much  for  her  white  neighbors  as  for  her  own  kindred  in  the 
flesh. 

She  was  counted  almost  a  preacher  ;  her  language  was 
free,  lively  and  animating — she  was  also  very  industrious 
and  active  ;  her  limbs  would  play  as  lively  over  the  ground 
as  a  deer.  1  have  set  out  to  walk  with  her  twenty  miles 
to  a  meeting,  several  times  in  my  life,  and  generally  1  had 
to  keep  upon  the  slow  pace  to  keep  up  with  her.  In  three 
hours  and  a  half  from  the  time  we  started,  we  were  there. 
She  was  also  skilled  in  doctoring  the  sick,  and  was  useful 
wherever  she  went — and  in  this  way  procured  for  herself  a 
rery  great  share  of  christian  and  friendly  patronage  among  all 
who  knew  her.  And  whilst  visaing  the  sick  she  would 
often  pour  into  thei"  ear  the  balm  of  consolation,  and  refer 
them  to  the  blessed  Jesus,  who  could  heal  both  soul  and 
body.  Where  she  met  with  the  sin-sick  soul,  she 
would  pour  into  their  ears  the  oil  of  joy,  and  point  them  to 
Jesus  who  taketh  away  the  sin  of  the  world — the  only 
sovereign  remedy  for  sin-sick  sinners.  Our  sister  was  noted 
generally  by  all  for  her  piety  through  life. 

At  the  close  of  her  life  there  was  a  remarkable  circum- 
stance which  took  place,  that  is  respecting  a  visit  which  she 
desired  to  make  to  a  neighboring  village  about  eight  miles 
off.  But  I  would  remark  that  previous  to  this  she  was 
much  debilitated  in  body,  which  was  caused  by  a  lingering 
disease,  supposed  to  be  somewhat  dropsical  and  consump- 
tive, and  did  not  at  times  keep  about,  but  was  confined  to 
her  bed.  She  lived  a  widow  and  withal  very  comfortable, 
find  used  to  entertain  all  her  brethren  that  came  to  her. 
There  were  some  of  her  brethren  whom  she  desired  to  see, 
and  said  the  Lord  would  give  her  strength  io  perform  the 
journey ;  and  so   she  arose,  as  it  were,   from  a  sick  bed. 


! 


and  throi 

go — and 

tion  ;  had 

well,  to  n 

She  was 

weeks  af 

without  a 

five  yean 

At  the 

dying  be 

many,  be 

remains 

tians,   an 

deposit  in 

the  earth 

arms  of 

out  the  s 

then  sha 

image  ri: 

her  weai 

trouble  r 

meet  hei 


uned  with 
delightful, 
!ak  unless 
>g  flood  of 
nice  while 
amongst 
hem,  and 
she  felt  as 
red  in  the 


uage  was 

ndustrious 

he  ground 

enly  miles 

rally  I  had 

In  three 

ere  there, 

was  useful 

r  herself  a 

)  among  all 

she  would 

,  and  refer 

h  soul  and 

soul,    she 

int  them  to 

-the    only 

was  noted 

3  circum- 
which  she 
ight  miles 
s  she  was 
I  lingering 
consump- 
jnfined  to 
mfortable, 
s  to  her. 
•ed  to  see, 
rform  the 
sick  bed. 


47 


end  through  the  strength  of  the  Lord  she  was  enabled  to 
go — and  while  there  she  enjoyed  some  christian  conversa- 
tion ;  had  a  few  good  meetings  and  bade  her  brethren  fare- 
well, to  meet  no  more  in  time — and  returned  home  to  die. 
She  was  now  composed  and  ready  to  die, — and  in  two 
weeks  afterwards,  ^shc  fell  asleep  in  the  arms  of  Jesus, 
without  a  struggle  or  a  groan,  May  6th,  182(3,  aged  forty- 
five  years. 

At  the  last,  the  fear  of  death  was  taken  away,  and  her 
dying  bed  'vas  glorious  and  interesting.  Her  friends  were 
many,  both  natives  and  whites.  The  whites  paid  to  her 
remains  the  last  tribute  of  respect,  which  is  due  to  chris- 
tians, and  united  in  shedding  the  tears  of  sympathy  and 
depositing  her  remains  in  the  dark  and  lonesome  caverns  of 
the  earth,  there  to  remain,  locked  up  in  the  cold  and  icy 
■rms  of  death — 'till  the  blast  of  the  Archangel  shall  blow 
out  the  sun,  and  pour  the  stars  upon  the  earth  like  rain; 
then  shall  her  ransomed  dust  revive,  and  in  the  Saviour's 
image  rise.  But  while  she  sleeps  in  dust  below,  she  bathes 
her  weary  soul  in  seas  of  heavenly  rest,  and  not  a  wave  of 
trouble  rolls  across  her  peaceful  breast — O,  reader,  strive  to 
meet  her  there.  W.  A, 


TUS 

EXPERIENCE 

09 

ANNE   WAMPLY. 


BY   THE   MISSIONARY. 


In  ihe  year  183!,  I  was  sent  by  the  New  York  annual 
conference  of  the  Protestant  Methodists,  to  visit  this  tribe 
and  preach  to  them.  Being  my  native  tribe,  I  took  pleas- 
ure in  so  doing  ;  and  when  I  arrived  to  the  place  of  my 
destination,  I  found  them  a  poor  miserable  company.  But 
I  intend  to  speak  further  in  another  place,  and  shall  pro- 
ceed with  her  experience. 

I  commenced  exhorting  them  to  flee  the  wrath  to  come 
— there  was  an  old  veteran  of  the  woods,  who  despised  all 
that  was  said  to  her  upon  the  subject  of  salvation,  and  would 
use  very  bad  language  in  her  way,  being  not  able  to  speak 
plain  English  ;  however,  the  Lord  reached  her  heart,  and 
many  others,  and  there  was  a  work  of  God  amongst  us. 
Sister  Anne  v»as  brought  to  bow  and  humble  herself  at  the 
feet  of  Jesus,  after  she  had  experienced  the  holy  religion 
of  Jesus.  She  then  was  free  to  tell  the  exercises  of  her 
mind,  and  not  till  then.  We  will  give  it  to  you  in  her  own 
language  ; — it  is  broken,  but  you  can  understand  it.  She 
began  thus  : — When  christian  come  talk  with  me,  me  no 
like  'em ;  me  no  want  to  see  'em ;  me  love  nobody  1 1  want 


49 


)rk  annual 
I  this  tribe 
took  pleas- 
lace  of  my 
)any.  But 
i  shall  pro- 

th  to  come 
Jespised  all 
,  and  would 
le  to  speak 
heart,  and 
mongst  us. 
rself  at  the 
oly  religion 
ises  of  her 
in  her  own 
d  it.  She 
me,  me  no 
dy  jf  I  want 


no  religion.  But  sister  Amy  no  let  me  alone ;  she  talk 
a  great  deal  to  me  about  Jesus.  Sister  Apes  too  come  talk 
prny  for  mc.  I  be  afraid  I  should  sec  em  and  me  no  want 
to  hear  em — byme  by  me  come  trouble  very  much ;  me 
very  much  troubled.  Mc  no  like  christians,  me  hale  cm  ; 
hate  every  body — byme  by  me  very  much  troubled  ;  me 
get  sick,  me  afraid  1  die — me  go  prny,  go  off  ail  alone  in 
the  woods — me  afraid  1  go  to  hell  ;  mc  pray  ;  byme  by 
Jesus  come  take  me  by  the  hand  lead  me  a  great  way  off 
— show  me  one  place  look  like  hell ;  me  come  close  to  it 
so  me  feel  it — me  afraid  1  fall  in ;  mc  cry  to  Jesus  to  have 
mercy  on  poor  me.  He  take  me  by  the  hand  again  and 
lead  me  back, — show  me  one  great  mountain  all  full  of 
crevices  ;  he  say  I  must  make  that  all  smooth  before  I  come 
again.     I  say  hard  work ;  I  afraid  I  go  to  hell  at  last.     I 

f>ray  I  look  to  Jesus  ;  byme  by  me  give  up,  then  me  feel 
ight,  like  one  feather ;  me  want  to  die  me  want  to  fly — me 
want  to  go  home  ;  me  love  every  body,  me  want  to  drink 
no  more  rum.  I  want  this  good  religion  all  the  time.'  She 
now  began  to  exhort  sinners.  '  I  wish  I  could  talk  like 
white  folks,  me  would  tell  every  body  how  I  love  Jesus ; 
then  she  said  to  the  young  people,  don't  do  like  I  done,  me 
old  sinner — great  many  years  me  sin,  do  wickedly  ;  come 
love  Jesus  ;  1  want  every  body  to  come  love  Jesus.  O  how 
I  love  Jesus  ;  me  want  every  body  to  pray  for  me,  so  I  get 
to  heaven  where  Jesus  is.'  She  looked  upon  me  just  as  I 
was  about  to  leave  her,  and  with  streaming  eyes  said.  Pray 
for  me  that  I  go  to  heaven.  And  while  I  was  thus  beholding 
her  face  and  viewing  the  tears  streaming  down  her  furrowed 
cheeks,  it  did  me  good — for  I  beheld  glory  beaming  in  her 
countenance  which  bespoke  the  expression  of  the  inward 
man. 

Our  sister  was  born  in  Groton,  (Conn.)  A.  D.  1760 — 
lived  in  sin  rising  70  years,  brought  up  in  ignorance  and 
prodigality  till  old  age,  and  then  snatched  ns  a  brand  from 
the  burning,  and  translated  into  the  glorious  light  of  the 
gospel,  and  made  an  heir  of  all  things.  How  good  and 
kind  is  God  to  all  men ;  notwithstandmg  they  live  long  in  sin 
and  rebel  against  him,  yet  he  is  willing  to  have  mercy  upon 
all  that  will  come  unto  him,  let  them  be  ever  so  great  and 
unprofitable  sinners. 


5a 


Should  this  happen  to  fall  into  the  bands  of  any  old! 
transgressor  that  has  not  become  wise  above,  what  is  written^ 
I  hope  thejr  will  remember  that  they  will  want  Master  Jesut 
as  well  as  sister  Anne  Wampy.    Lord  help,  Amen. 

W,  A, 


IN 


f  nny  ©M 
is  written, 
Bster  Jesut 
en. 
W,  A, 


▲v 


INDIAN'S  LOOKING-GLASS 


70B  TH8 


WHITE    MAN. 


•0  . 


w: 


^oreatui 
that  G 
white  1 
wlio  ai 
to  outv 
I  ask  i 
the  Ini 
Is  it  ri; 
not  pu 
are  c\\ 
gituatt< 
Englai 
to  the 
and,  V 
The  1 
world- 
Lei 
visit  t 
wand( 
the  le 
some 
it  is  a 
femai 
white 
thcnii 


asr 


INDIAN'S    LOOKING-GLASS 


FOR  THE 


WHITE  MAN. 


Having  a  desire  to  place  a  few  things  before  ray  fellow 
creatures  who  are  travelling  with  me  to  the  grave,  and  to 
that  God  who  is  the  ^^ker  and  preserver  both  of  the 
white  man  andtheinc  ;  ,  -  hose  abilities  are  the  same,  and 
who  are  to  be  judged  i.^  jiie  God,  who  will  show  no  favor 
to  outward  appearances,  but  will  judge  righteousness.  Now 
I  ask  if  degradation  has  not  been  heaped  long  enough  upon 
the  Indians  ?  And  if  so,  ean  there  not  he  a  compromise  ; 
is  it  right  to  hold  and  promote  prejudices  ?  If  not,  why 
not  put  them  all  away  ?  I  mean  here  amongst  those  who 
9XQ  civilized.  It  may  be  that  many  are  ignorant  of  the 
situation  of  many  of  my  brethren  within  the  limits  of  New 
England.  Let  me  for  a  few  moments  turn  your  attention 
to  the  reservations  in  the  different  states  of  New  !^Jnglandf 
and,  with  but  few  exceptions,  we  shall  find  them  as  follows  : 
The  most  mean,  abject,  miserable  race  of  beings  in  the 
world — a  complete  place  of  prodigality  and  prostitution. 

Let  a  gentleman  and  lady,  of  integrity  and  respectability 
visit  these  places,  and  they  would  be  surprised ;  as  they 
wandered  from  one  hut  to  the  other  they  would  view  with 
the  females  who  arc  left  alone,  children  half  starved,  and 
some  almost  as  naked  as  they  came  into  the  world.  And 
it  is  a  fact  that  I  have  seen  them  as  much  so— while  the 
femaies  are  left  without  protection,  and  are  seduced  by 
white  men,  and  are  finally  left  to  be  common  prostitutes  (or 
thcnif  and  to  be  destroyed  by  that  burning,  fiery  curse,  that 
*5 


54 


has  swept  millions, 
grave     with   sorrow 
why  they  are   left  so  is, 
active  men  are  absent  at 
they  are  made  to  believe 
abilities  given  them  from 


.h  of  red  and  white  men,  into  the 
and  disgrace — Rum.  One  reason 
because  their  most  sensible  and 
I.  Another  reason  is,  because 
iy  are  minors  and  have  not  the 
jd,  to  take  care  of  themselves, 
without  it  is  to  see  to  a  iew  little  articles,  such  as  baskets 
and  brooms.  Their  land  is  in  common  stock,  ind  they 
have  nothing  to  make  them  enterprising. 

Another  reason  is  because  those  men  who  are  Agents, 
many  of  them  are  unfaithful,  and  care  not  whether  the 
Indians  live  or  die  ;  they  are  much  imposed  upon  by  their 
neighbors  who  have  no  principle.  They  would  think  it  no 
crime  to  go  upon  Indian  lands  and  cut  and  carry  off  their 
most  valuable  timber,  or  any  thing  else  they  chose ;  and 
I  doubt  not  but  they  think  it  clear  gain.  Another  reason  is 
because  they  have  no  education  to  take  care  of  themselves  ; 
if  they  had,  I  would  risk  them  to  take  care  of  their  own 
property. 

Now  I  will  ask,  if  the  Indians  are  not  called  the  most 
ingenious  people  amongst  us  ?  And  are  they  not  said  to  be 
men  of  talents  ?  And  1  would  ask,  could  there  be  a  more 
efficient  way  to  distress  and  murder  them  by  inches  than 
the  way  they  have  taken  ?  And  there  is  no  people  in  the 
world  but  who  may  be  destroyed  in  the  same  way.  Now 
if  thetT  people  are  what  they  are  held  up  in  our  view  to  be, 
I  would  take  the  liberty  to  ask  why  they  are  not  brought 
forward  and  pains  taken  to  educate  them  ?  to  give  them  all 
a  common  education,  and  those  of  the  brightest  and  first- 
rate  talents  put  forward  and  held  up  to  office.  Perhaps 
some  unholy,  unprincipled  men  would  cry  out,  the  skin  was 
not  good  enough  ;  but  stop  friends — I  am  not  talking  about 
the  skin,  but  about  principles.  I  would  ask  if  there  cannot 
be  as  good  feelings  and  principles  under  a  red  skin  as  there 
can  be  under  a  white  ?  And  let  me  ask,  is  it  not  on ,  the 
account  of  a  bad  principle,  that  we  who  are  red  children 
have  had  to  suffer  so  much  as  we  have  ?  And  let  me  ask, 
did  not  this  bad  principle  proceed  from  the  whites  or  their 
forefathers  ?  And  I  would  ask,  is  it  worth  while  to  nourish 
it  any  longer  ?   If  not,  then  let  us  have  a  change ;  although 


I 


some  men 

against  it, 

But  I  pre: 

horrible. 

whites)   s 

themselve 

This  1 

gentlemei 

1  should  1 

who  has  i 

naturalist 

I  knov\ 

majority 

privileges 

tected  in 

Is  it  not 

are  leade 

black  pri 

while  th( 

pretend 

unaliena 

like  to  b 

your  ski 

say, the 

barrier  i 

awful  ir 

But, 

and  I  ai 

you  the 

which  i 

in  the  1 

that  pri 

God  ar 

ful  that 

red  ski 

it  appe 

he  has 

them  1 

Nov 

to  ^at. 


95 


ito  the 
rsason 
)le  and 
>ecause 
I  not  the 
iselves, 
[baskets 
id  they 

gents, 
her  the 
>y  their 
k  it  no 
)ff  their 
and 
sasoQ  is 
selves ; 
ir  own 

le  most 
id  to  be 
a  more 
les  than 
e  in  the 
Now 
tv  to  be, 
brought 
bem  all 
d  first- 
*erhaps 
(in  was 
5  about 
cannot 
s  there 
on .  the 
hildren 
le  ask, 
r  their 
lourisb 
;hough 


I 


some  men  no  doubt  will  spout  their  corrupt  principles 
against  it,  that  are  in  the  halls  of  legislation  and  elsewhere. 
But  [  presume  this  kind  of  talk  will  seem  surprising  and 
horrible.  I  do  not  see  why  it  should  so  long  as  they  (the 
whites)  say  th^t  they  think  as  much  of  us  as  they  do  of 
themselves. 

This  1  have  heard  repeatedly,  from  the  most  respectable 
gentlemen  and  ladies — and  having  heard  so  much  precept, 
I  should  now  wish  to  see  the  example.  And  1  would  ask 
who  has  a  better  right  to  look  for  these  things  than  the 
naturalist  himself — the  candid  man  woul  i  say  none. 

I  know  that  many  say  that  they  are  willing,  perhaps  the 
majority  of  the  people,  that  we  should  enjoy  our  rights  and 
privileges  as  they  do.  If  so,  I  would  ask  why  are  not  we  pro- 
tected in  our  persons  and  property  throughout  the  Union  ? 
Is  it  not  because  there  reigns  in  the  breast  of  many  who 
are  leaders,  a  most  unrighteous,  unbecoming  and  impure 
black  principle,  and  as  corrupt  and  unholy  as  it  can  be — 
while  these  very  same  unfeeling,  self-esteemed  characters 
pretend  to  take  the  skin  as  a  pretext  to  keep  us  from  our 
unalienable  and  lawful  rights?  I  would  ask  you  if  you  would 
like  to  be  disfranchised  from  all  your  rights,  merely  because 
your  skin  is  white,  and  for  no  other  crime  ?  I  '11  venture  to 
say,  these  very  characters  who  hold  the  skin  to  be  such  a 
barrier  in  the  way,  would  be  the  first  to  cry  out,  injustice  I 
awful  injustice  ! 

But,  reader,  I  acknowledge  that  this  is  a  confused  world, 
and  I  am  not  seeking  for  office ;  but  merely  placing  before 
you  the  black  inconsistency  that  you  place  before  me — 
which  is  ten  times  blacker  than  any  skin  that  you  will  find 
in  the  Universe.  And  now  let  me  exhort  you  to  do  away 
that  principle,  as  it  appears  ten  times  worse  in  the  sight  of 
God  and  candid  men,  than  skins  of  color — more  disgrace 
ful  than  all  the  skins  that  Jehovah  ever  made.  If  black  or 
red  skins,  or  any  other  skin  of  color  is  disgraceful  to  God, 
it  appears  that  he  has  disgraced  himself  a  great  deal — for 
he  has  made  fifteen  colored  people  to  one  white,  and  placed 
them  here  upon  this  earth. 

Now  let  me  ask  you,  white  man,  if  it  is  a  disgrace  for 
to  ^at,  drink  and  sleep  with  the  image  of  God,  or  sit,  or 


56 

walk  and  talk  with  them  ?  Gr  have  you  the  folly  to  think 
that  the  white  man,  being  one  in  fifteen  or  sixteen^  are  the 
only  beloved  images  of  God  ?  Asiemble  all  nations  togeth- 
er in  your  imagination,  and  then  let  the  whites  be  seated 
amongst  them,  and  then  let  us  look  for  the  whites,  and  I 
doubt  not  it  would  be  hard  fii.  g  them  ;  for  to  the  rest  of 
the  nations,  they  are  still  but  t  mindful.  Now  suppose  these 
skins  were  put  together,  and  each  skin  had  its  national  crimes 
written  upon  it — which  skin  do  you  think  would  have  the 
greatest  ?  I  will  ask  one  question  more.  Can  you  charge 
the  Indians  with  robbing  a  nation  almost  of  their  whole  Con- 
tinent, and  murdering  their  women  and  children,  and  then 
depriving  the  remainder  of  their  lawful  rights,  that  nature 
and  God  require  them  to  have  ?  And  to  cap  the  climax, 
rob  another  nation  to  till  their  grounds,  and  welter  out  their 
days  under  the  lash  with  hunger  and  fatigue  under  the  scorch- 
ing rays  of  a  burning  sun  ?  1  should  look  at  all  the  skins, 
and  1  know  that  when  I  cast  my  eye  upon  that  white  skin, 
and  if  1  saw  those  crimes  written  upon  it,  I  should  enter 
my  protest  against  it  immediately,  and  cleave  to  that  which 
is  more  honorable.  And  I  can  tell  you  that  1  am  satisfied 
with  the  manner  of  my  creation,  fully — whether  others  are 
or  not. 

But  we  will  strive  to  penetrate  more  fully  into  the  con- 
duct of  those  who  profess  to  have  pure  principles,  and  who 
tell  us  to  follow  Jesus  Christ  and  imitate  him  and  have 
his  Spirit.  Let  us  see  if  they  come  any  vhere  near  him 
and  his  ancient  disciples.  The  first  thing  we  are  to  look  at, 
are  his  precepts,  of  which  we  will  mention  a  few.  *  Thou 
shall  love  the  Lord  thy  God  with  all  thy  heart,  with  all  thy 
soul,  with  all  thy  mind,  and  with  all  thy  strength.  The  sec- 
ond is  like  unto  it.  Thou  shalt  love  thy  neighbor  as  thy- 
self. On  these  two  precepts  hang  all  the  law  and  the 
prophets. — Matt.  xxii.  37,  38,  39,  40.  By  this  shall  all 
men  know  that  they  are  my  disciples,  if  ye  have  l<We  one 
to  another.' — John  xiii.  35.  Our  Lord  left  this  special 
command  with  his  followers,  that  ihev  should  love  one  an- 
other. 

Again,  John  in  his  Episdes  says,  '  He  who  loveth  God, 
loveth  his  brother  also.' — ^iv.  21.  '  Let  us  not  love  in  word 


but  in  de( 
ulation. 
fervently. 
God,  and 

*  Whosoe 
derer  hat 
takes  our 
&c.  Th 
ministry, 
or  its  effi 
affected  y 
teach  as 

*  Now  if 
of  his.'— 
let  me  as 
or  read  c 
despise 
Jesus  CI 
tainly  we 
plan  of  i 
the  Jews 
degradec 
more  so 
And  did 
a  christii 
And  yot 
principle 
but  to  a 

What 
now  unc 
ask  wh} 
many  sa 
spirit  of 
would  n 
Jesus  C 
to  them 
But  we 
at  the  0 
the  heai 
the  spir 


to  think 

are  the 

togeth- 

e  seated 

3s,  and  I 

e  rest  of 

)se  these 

il  crimes 

lave  the 

charge 

ale  Con- 

nd  then 

at  nature 

climax, 

out  their 

e  scorch- 

le  slcins, 

lite  siiin, 

lid  enter 

lat  which 

satis6ed 

thers  are 

the  con- 

and  who 

nd  have 

near  him 

o  look  at, 

*Thou 

th  all  thy 

rhe  sec- 

r  as  ihy- 

and  the 

shall  all 

IdN^e  one 

;  special 

one  an- 

!th  God, 
in  word 


57 


but  in  deed.* — iii.  18.  *  Let  your  love  be  without  dissim> 
ulation.  See  that  ye  love  one  another  with  a  pure  heart 
fervently.* — 1.  Peter,  viii.  22.  *  If  any  man  say,  I  love 
God,  and  hateth  his  brother,  he  is  a  liar.* — John  iv.  20. 

*  Whosoever  hateth  his  brother  is  a  murderer,  and  no  mur- 
derer hath  eternal  life  abiding  in  him.*  The  first  thing  that 
takes  our  attention,  is  the  saying  of  Jesus,  *  Thou  shalt  love,' 
&c.  The  first  question  I  would  ask  my  brethren  in  the 
ministry,  as  well  as  that  of  the  membership.  What  is  love, 
or  its  effects  ?  Now  if  they  who  teach  are  not  essentially 
affected  with  pure  love,  the  love  of  God,  how  can  they 
teach  as  they  ought  ?     Again,  the  holy  teachers  of  old  said, 

*  Now  if  any  man  have  not  the  spirit  of  Christ,  he  is  none 
of  his.* — Rom.  viii.  9.  Now  my  brethren  in  the  ministry, 
let  me  ask  you  a  few  sincere  questions.  Did  you  ever  hear 
or  read  of  Christ  teaching  his  disciples  that  they  ought  to 
despise  one  because  his  skin  was  different  from  theirs? 
Jesus  Christ  being  a  Jew,  and  those  of  his  Apostles  cer- 
tainly were  not  whites, — and  did  not  he  who  completed  the 
plan  of  salvation  complete  it  for  the  whites  as  well  as  for 
the  Jews,  and  others  ?  And  were  not  the  whites  the  most 
degraded  people  on  the  earth  at  that  time,  and  none  were 
more  so ;  for  they  sacrificed  their  children  to  dumb  idols ! 
And  did  not  St.  Paul  labor  more  abundantly  for  building  up 
a  christian  nation  amongst  you  than  any  of  the  Apostles. 
And  you  know  as  well  as  I  that  you  are  not  indebted  to  a 
principle  beneath  a  white  skin  for  your  religious  services, 
but  to  a  colored  one. 

What  then  is  the  matter  now ;  is  not  religion  the  same 
now  under  a  colored  skin  as  it  ever  was  ?  If  so  I  would 
ask  why  is  not  a  man  of  color  respected  ;  you  may  say  as 
many  say,  we  have  white  men  enough.  But  was  this  the 
spirit  of  Christ  and  his  Apostles?  If  it  had  been,  there 
would  not  have  been  one  white  preacher  in  the  world — for 
Jesus  Christ  never  would  have  imparted  his  grace  or  word 
to  them,  for  he  could  forever  have  withheld  it  from  them. 
But  we  find  that  Jesus  Christ  and  his  Apostles  never  looked 
at  the  outward  appearances.  Jesus  in  particular  looked  at 
the  hearts,  and  his  Apostles  through  him  being  discerners  of 
the  spirit,  looked  at  their  fruit  without  any  regard  to  the 


'^'"mmifammmif^m'vK 


58 


skin,  color  or  nation  ;  as  St.  Paul  himself  speaks,  *  Where 
there  is  neither  Greek  nor  Jew,  circumcision  nor  uncir- 
cumcision.  Barbarian  nor  Scythian,  bond  nor  free — but 
Christ  is  all  and  in  all.*  If  you  can  find  a  spirit  like  Jesus 
Christ  and  his  Apostles  prevailing  now  in  any  of  the  white 
congregations,  I  should  like  to  know  it.  I  asic,  is  it  not  the 
case  that  every  body  that  is  not  white  is  treated  with  con- 
tempt and  counted  as  barbarians  ?  And  I  ask  if  the  word 
of  God  justifies  the  white  man  in  so  doing?  When  the 
prophets  prophesied,  of  whom  did  they  speak  ?  When  they 
spoke  of  heathens,  was  it  not  the  whites  and  others  who 
were  counted  Gentiles  ?  And  I  ask  if  all  natiorio  with  the 
exception  of  the  Jews  were  not  counted  heathens?  and 
according  to  the  writings  of  some,  it  could  not  mean  the 
Indians,  for  they  are  counted  Jews.  And  now  I  would  ask, 
why  is  all  this  distinction  made  among  these  christian  socl- 
es .s  ?  I  would  ask  what  is  all  this  ado  about  Missionary 
Societies,  if  it  be  not  to  christianize  those  who  are  not 
christians  ?  And  what  is  it  for  ?  To  degrade  them  worse,  to 
bring  them  into  society  where  they  must  welter  out  their 
days  in  disgrace. merely  because  their  skin  is  of  a  different 
complexion.  What  folly  it  is  to  try  to  make  the  state  of 
human  society  worse  than  it  is.  How  astonished  some  may 
be  at  this — but  let  me  ask,  is  it  not  so  ?  Let  me  refer  you 
to  the  churches  only.  And  my  brethren,  is  there  any  agree- 
ment ?  Do  brethren  and  sisters  love  one  another  ? — 
Do  they  not  rather  hate  one  another.  Outward 
forms  and  ceremonies,  the  lusts  of  the  flesh,  the  lusts 
of  the  eye  and  pride  of  life  is  of  more  value  to  many  pro- 
fessors, than  the  love  of  God  shed  abroad  in  their  hearts, 
or  an  attachment  to  his  altar,  to  his  ordinances  or  to  his 
children.  But  you  may  ask  who  are  the  children  of  God  ? 
perhaps  you  may  say  none  but  white.  If  so,  the  word  of 
the  Lord  is  not  true. 

I  will  refer  you  to  St.  Peter's  precepts — Acts  10.  *  God 
is  no  respecter  of  persons' — he.  Now  if  this  is  the  case, 
my  white  brother,  what  better  are  you  than  God  ?  And  if 
no  better,  why  do  you  who  profess  his  gospel  and  to  have  his 
spirit,  act  so  contrary  to  it  ?  Let  me  ask  why  the  men  of  a 
different  skin  are  so  dispised,  why  are  not  they  educated 
and  placed  in  your  pulpits  ?    I  ask  if  bis  services  well  per- 


(■ 


\ 


Where 
)r  uncir- 
ree — but 
ke  Jesus 
;he  white 
it  not  the 
with  con- 
the  word 
Vhen  the 
/hen  they 
hers  who 

with  jhe 
lens?  and 
mean  the 
vould  ask, 
stian  soci- 
ilissionary 

0  are   not 

1  worse,  to 
r  out  their 
I  different 
tie  state  of 
some  may 
I  refer  you 
iny  agree- 
nother  ? — 

Outward 
the  lusts 
many  pro- 
eir  hearts, 
s  or  to  his 
1  of  God  ? 
le  word  of 

10.  *God 
the  case, 
?  And  if 
to  have  his 
e  men  of  a 
r  educated 
i  well  per- 


A 


69 

formed  are  not  as  good  as  if  a  white  man  performed  them  ? 
I  ask  if  a  marriage  or  a  funeral  ceremony,  or  the  ordinance 
of  the  Lord's  house  would  not  be  as  acceptable  in  the  sight 
of  God  as  though  he  was  white  ?    And  if  so,  why  is  it  not 
to  you  ?     I  ask  again,  why  is  it  not  as  acceptable  to  have 
men  to  exercise  their  office  in  one  place  as  well  as  in  anoth- 
er ?    Perhaps  you  will  say  that  if  we  admit  you  to  all  of 
these  privileges  you  will  want  more.     1  expect  that  1  can 
guess  what  that  is — A^^^hy,  say  you,  there  would  be  intermar- 
riages.    How  that  would  be  I  am  not  able  to  say — and  if  it 
should  be,  it  would  be  nothing  strange  or  new  to  me  ;  for  I 
can  assure  you  that  I  know  a  great  many  that  have  inter- 
married, both  of  the  whites  and  the  Indians — and  many  are 
their  sons  and  daughters — and  people  too  of  the  first  respec- 
tability.    And  I  could  point  to  some  in  the  famous  city  of 
Boston  and  elsewhere.     You  may  now  look  at  the  disgrace- 
ful act  in  the  statute  law  passed  by  the  Legislature  of  Mas- 
sachusetts, and  behold  the  fifty  pound  fine  levied  upon  any 
Clergyman  or  Justice  of  the  Peace  that  dare  to  encourage 
the  laws  of  God  and  nature  by  a  legitimate  union  in  holy 
wedlock  between  the  Indians  and  whites.     I  would  ask  how 
this  looks  to  your  law  makers.     I  would  ask  if  this  corres- 
ponds with  your  sayings — that  you  think  as  much  of  the 
Indians  as  you  do  of  the  whites.     1  do  not  wonder  that  yoa 
blush  many  of  you  while  you  read  ;  for  many  have  broken 
the  ill-fated  laws  made  by  man  to  hedge  up  the  laws  of  God 
and  nature.     I  would  ask  if  they  who  have  made  the  law 
have  not  broken  it — but  there  is  no  other   state  in  New 
England  that  has  this  law  but  Massachusetts ;  and  I  think  as 
many  of  you  do  not,  that  you  have  done  yourselves  no  credit. 
But  as  1  am  not  looking  for  a  Vvife, having  one  of  the  fin- 
est cast,  as  you  no  doubt  would  understand  while  you  read 
her  experience  and  travail  of  soul  in  the  way  to  heavsn, 
you  will  see  that  it  is  not  my  object.      And  if  I  had  noLO, 
I  should  not  want  any  one  to  take  my  right  from  me  and 
choose  a  wife  for  me ;  for  I  think  that  I  or  any  of  my  breth- 
ren have  a  right  to  choose  a  wife  for  themselves  as  well  as 
the  whites— and  as  the  whites  have  taken   the   liberty  to 
choose  my  brethren,  the  Indians,  hundreds  and  thousands 
of  them  as  partners  in  life,  I  believe  the  Indians  have  as 


60 


much  right  to  choose  their  partners  amongst  the  whites  if 
they  wish.  I  would  ask  you  if  you  can  see  any  thing  in- 
consistent in  your  conduct  and  talk  about  the  Indians? 
And  if  you  do,  I  hope  you  will  try  to  become  more  consis- 
tent. Now  if  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ,  who  is  counted  by  nil 
to  be  a  Jew,  and  it  is  well  known  that  the  Jews  are  a  color- 
ed people,  especially  those  living  in  the  East,  where  Christ 
was  born— and  if  he  should  appear  amongst  us,  would  he 
not  be  shut  out  of  doors  by  many,  very  quickly  ?  and  by 
those  too,  who  profess  religion  ? 

By  what  you  read,  you  may  learn  how  deep  your  prin- 
ciples are.  I  should  say  they  were  skin  deep.  I  should 
not  wonder  if  some  of  the  most  selfish  and  ignorant  would 
spout  a  charge  of  their  principles  now  and  then  at  me.  But  I 
would  ask,  how  are  you  to  love  your  neighbors  as  yourself? 
Is  it  to  cheat  them  ?  is  it  to  wrong  them  in  any  thing  ?  Now 
to  cheat  them  out  of  any  of  their  rights  is  robbery.  And 
1  ask,  can  you  deny  that  you  are  not  robbing  the  Indians 
daily,  and  many  others?  But  at  last  you  may  thmk  I  am 
what  is  called  a  hard  and  uncharitable  man.  But  not  so. 
I  believe  there  are  many  who  would  not  hesitate  to  advo- 
cate our  cause ;  and  those  too  who  are  men  of  fame  and 
respectability — as  well  as  ladies  of  honor  and  virtue.  There 
is  a  Webster,  an  Everett,  and  a  Wirt,  and  many  others  who 
tre  distinguished  characters — besides  an  host  of  my  fellow 
citizens,  who  advocate  our  cause  daily.  And  how  I  con- 
gratulate such  noble  spirits — how  they  are  to  be  prized  and 
valued  ;  for  they  are  well  calculated  to  promote  the  happi- 
ness of  mankind.  They  well  know  that  man  was  made  for 
society,  and  not  for  hissing  stocks  and  outcasts.  And  when 
such  a  principle  as  this  lies  within  the  hearts  of  men,  how 
much  it  is  like  its  God — and  how  it  honors  its  Maker — and 
how  it  imitates  the  feelings  of  the  good  Samaritan,  that  had 
his  wounds  bound  up,  who  had  been  among  thieves  and  rob- 
bers. 

Do  not  get  tired,  ye  noble-hearted — only  think  how  ma- 
ny poor  Indians  want  their  wounds  done  up  daily  ;  the  Lord 
will  reward  you,  and  pray  you  stop  not  till  this  tree  of  dis- 
tinction shall  be  levelled  to  the  earth,  and  the  mantle  of 
prejudice  torn  from  every  American  lieatt-— then  shall  peace 
pervade  the  Union.  William  Afes. 


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